Monday, July 9, 2012

My Scarlett Letter Part III

Please recall for the purpose of this discussion that I immediately apologized to E's parents, and that I immediately spoke to the Head Nursery Teacher and told her the story.  I volunteered the information with the hopes that it would lead to an efficient and benevolent resolution on all sides.

One hour after speaking to S, I checked my email.  There was a letter from S and her husband, the CFO of the Gan, speaking in response to the "incident" that happened at the Gan today.  She stated unequivocally that under no circumstances is a parent to touch another child who is not his or her own, and that the offending parent (that would be me) has been banned from the Gan, and may only drop off his/her child at the front gate.  (S was careful not mention names)

This ban was certainly not introduced into our discussion when I spoke to S this afternoon, and yet she felt comfortable enough to tell everyone together in a public group email.

So here's where the situation stands:  E has been torturing his classmates all year, S has devised a completely ineffective solution to the problem, and quite purposely ignores all the parents who have asked her to get this continuing story under control.  His parents seem completely clueless regarding the full extent of the problem.

In my mode as Don Quixote, the warrior of Windmills, I react to an active and present situation in which my daughter is being threatened, and now I have been punished.  Most likely, E's parents will see this move as a vindication of their inability to see that their son E -whom I pity at the end of the day - exhibits aggressions that make him anti-social.  Aggressive tendencies and a lack of impulse control that if not nipped in the bud at this age, will only become more trouble as he grows and develops.

I decided that I could at least do damage control, and frame the rumors that will inevitably start swirling. I clicked "Respond All" to S's email, and wrote the following:

1.  I am "the incident."
2.  I take responsibility for my part in "the incident" and am always looking for ways to improve my understanding of myself and my parenting skills.
3.  I have already apologized to the parents involved.
4.  I then apologized to the rest of the parents on the group list who might feel uncomfortable because of "the incident."
5.  Should anyone feel the need to yell at me or give me feedback, they should feel free to do so.

I sent the email out as a priority, and now I await the downpour.

BTW, if you readers also choose to castigate me, feel free.  I will allow that I am human and make mistakes, and will make plenty more as a parent.

4 comments:

Midlife Singlemum said...

Good for you for taking the incident as reported by the ganenet into your own hands and writing a public letter to all the parents. The ganenet's description is deliberately evasive and, as such, manipulates the situation into sounding much worse than it was. It sounded as if an unstable mother went off the wall tbh. This serves her well as it vindicates her OTT reactions.

Now you have explained. Ignore any critism if it comes (you may be pleasantly surprised). If the parents do write back you must have a formula reply ready and only use that. E.g. Thank you for your reply, I believe the situation has been resolved.

Hang in there for the last month (for RR's sake) and then don't look back.

I'm not sayng you did exactly the right thing but it certainly wasn't such a crime to warrant this backlash. Good luck xxx.

Commenter Abbi said...

Sounds like a whackadoodle gan and it's a good thing you're not R there next year. The gannenet's handling of the situation, including the child now and from day one, is completely and utterly inappropriate and would never happen in a regular gan. Sounds like a horrible situation. :( Hope it blows over quickly.

Philo said...

I have seen more overstepping of bounds with other people's children in Israel than I ever saw in the US. Israelis routinely interfere with other people's kids. Why are they making such a big deal out of this?

Also, you may have been too humble in your response. You should have also included details and background of "the incident". You should stand up for yourself. A humble apology and nothing else will make other parents assume you were totally in the wrong.

Sylvia said...

Yikes I would be very hesitant to leave RR in the care of these people. Can you start her summer vacation early?