This week has become a series of good-byes, from some of her teachers and her after-school activities, and one of our goldfish. Although she understands that the Summer vacation does eventually come to an end and she will return to her routine, I have witnessed lots of emotion and hugs.
Raphaela has a hard time with endings and separation.
I am going to add in one more farewell, and that is the retirement of this blog.
When I started this blog, I thought I could add something to the discussion, about fertility treatments, about pregnancy, about single motherhood and its place in a modern Jewish community.
When I started this blog, I also didn't quite realize that the internet never forgets, and that the world wide web gets everywhere on the globe. As much as I may have contributed, I have probably also offended people without meaning to. And for that I apologize.
There is another factor that has most recently become more relevant: Raphaela has finished First Grade and is reading in two different languages. It will not be long before she can sit in front of the computer and find this blog and read it, all by herself. For the most part, she will see how much I love her, how beautiful she is, inside and out, and how blessed I feel for having taken the step of becoming a single mother by choice.
There will also be posts that she will read about how hard it is to parent, alone or otherwise, and how not all of my days have been my finest of days.
I think I need to respect her privacy as a fully formed person, and I think that now is a good time to close this chapter. I want to thank everyone who read until now, and I do hope that something I said helped you.
I will be keeping this blog open now and again, for future postings of photographs, but from now on, mine and Raphaela's life will stay behind closed doors, and closed computers.
======================================================================
I end with one last story: When we were driving home from school the other day, I reminded Raphaela that once Summer vacation begins, we will be going away for a small trip, in honor of my birthday.
How old will you be, Mommy?
25.
Wow, that's old!
Sorry, just joking, actually I will be 48 in July.
WOW, that's really old!
Showing posts with label education. Show all posts
Showing posts with label education. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
Thursday, June 23, 2016
Summer Haircut
The heat in Jerusalem for the past two weeks has been unbearable. I had gotten to the point where I was prepared to chop all my hair myself, and so I called my stylist two days ago, in the middle of the day, and declared a hair emergency. I begged him to find time for me in between his other clients, and my patients.
When I picked up Raphaela from school later that afternoon, she looked at my cool and breezy cut and gasped in horror:
Mommy, how could you, what have you done?!
What, you don't like my haircut? I love it!
I preferred it much better when your hair was long, like mine. You are not going to make me cut my hair too, are you? I LOVE my Princess hair.
No! You may keep your beautiful Princess hair as long as you want.
Thank goodness, that was a close call...
And the best part is, I can wear my hair short during this hot hot Summer, and then grow it long in the Winter again.
Well, at least that. Thank goodness!
When I picked up Raphaela from school later that afternoon, she looked at my cool and breezy cut and gasped in horror:
Mommy, how could you, what have you done?!
What, you don't like my haircut? I love it!
I preferred it much better when your hair was long, like mine. You are not going to make me cut my hair too, are you? I LOVE my Princess hair.
No! You may keep your beautiful Princess hair as long as you want.
Thank goodness, that was a close call...
And the best part is, I can wear my hair short during this hot hot Summer, and then grow it long in the Winter again.
Well, at least that. Thank goodness!
Friday, June 3, 2016
Chumash Party
Throughout this year, Raphaela and her classmates have been learning the stories of Genesis in depth. Her teacher challenges them to think about the emotional implications of the stories as well IE "How do you think Noah felt when the dove didn't return to the Ark?" "How do you think Adam and Eve felt when they were punished for not listening?"
Today, one month before First Grade officially ends, Raphaela received her official Chumash [Torah], covered in beautiful decorations and marking the time when she will start reading from the text itself; because now she can read in Hebrew all by herself.
This morning, while getting dressed, Raphaela's biggest concern was that her loose tooth would fall out during the performance on stage, in front of all the teachers and the visitors. I assured her that if her tooth dramatically popped out during the show, it would make it all the more enjoyable and memorable.
There was of course another twist to this celebration, grandparents were the honored guests, and having none in the country, Raphaela had to settle with me (boring Mom), and my brother. Normally during the year, my daughter does not express regret or sadness at being relatively isolated from our family here in Jerusalem, Israel; in the last week we have had several conversations about all the people we love, who live far away.
There was singing and hand movements, speeches and plays, and the bit that always chokes me up, when they spread a giant tallit over all 80 girls and all the parents and grandparents gave them a blessing.
Afterwards, Raphaela's teacher asked me to give a short speech to the class about family and the chain of history that links us all. I was honored, and hope I did Raphaela proud.
All the way home, Raphaela hugged her Chumash like it was gold, and called it her "beautiful and holy book." May she continue to grow in accomplishments and joy, and may I live a long and healthy life to be able to share in all these moving events.
Today, one month before First Grade officially ends, Raphaela received her official Chumash [Torah], covered in beautiful decorations and marking the time when she will start reading from the text itself; because now she can read in Hebrew all by herself.
This morning, while getting dressed, Raphaela's biggest concern was that her loose tooth would fall out during the performance on stage, in front of all the teachers and the visitors. I assured her that if her tooth dramatically popped out during the show, it would make it all the more enjoyable and memorable.
There was of course another twist to this celebration, grandparents were the honored guests, and having none in the country, Raphaela had to settle with me (boring Mom), and my brother. Normally during the year, my daughter does not express regret or sadness at being relatively isolated from our family here in Jerusalem, Israel; in the last week we have had several conversations about all the people we love, who live far away.
There was singing and hand movements, speeches and plays, and the bit that always chokes me up, when they spread a giant tallit over all 80 girls and all the parents and grandparents gave them a blessing.
Afterwards, Raphaela's teacher asked me to give a short speech to the class about family and the chain of history that links us all. I was honored, and hope I did Raphaela proud.
All the way home, Raphaela hugged her Chumash like it was gold, and called it her "beautiful and holy book." May she continue to grow in accomplishments and joy, and may I live a long and healthy life to be able to share in all these moving events.
Friday, May 27, 2016
Money Matters
Yesterday Raphaela had a day off from school; yes, yet another Jewish holiday in the series for the month of May. We met up with cousins in the morning for breakfast, and then took advantage of International Free Museum Day.
For whatever reason, Raphaela seemed fixated on the topic of money and personal finances the entire day.
As we waited for the bus, Raphaela asked me what kind of grand celebration I had received when I turned 12. I told her that when I was that age, no one made a big deal about girls, and other than a pretty standard birthday party in our backyard, the event came and went. She seemed shocked and sad for me, because, she explained, I didn't get loads of presents. Then she said, "Don't worry Mommy, when I have my Bat Mitzvah you can make me a fantastic party, and give me lots of presents."
When I took out coins to pay for the bus, Raphaela asked me where money comes from, and how did I (personally) have money to spend. I explained to her that I work very hard, and that I get paid for helping people feel better, and then I have money to take care of us. Raphaela, proud of herself and her future earning capacity, told me that when she gets older she is going to be a Veterinarian.
"That's wonderful, " I said, "but right now you are a little girl who doesn't work. Your work is to go to school and learn great things, play with your friends and do your homework. And you are too young to baby sit." Then I explained the concept of an allowance, that if she does her specific jobs around the house all week, she will earn money, and she can then spend on herself or save toward something bigger.
Raphaela loved that idea, and starting next week, we have a chore chart.
When we met our cousins, my very Israeli daughter asked them how much money they make and basically, what is their net worth. With a nervous giggle, I stopped Raphaela and explained to her that the question was not polite, and that it is really none of our business how much anyone else earns, or where they spend it.
Another life lesson for her to check off the list.
For whatever reason, Raphaela seemed fixated on the topic of money and personal finances the entire day.
As we waited for the bus, Raphaela asked me what kind of grand celebration I had received when I turned 12. I told her that when I was that age, no one made a big deal about girls, and other than a pretty standard birthday party in our backyard, the event came and went. She seemed shocked and sad for me, because, she explained, I didn't get loads of presents. Then she said, "Don't worry Mommy, when I have my Bat Mitzvah you can make me a fantastic party, and give me lots of presents."
When I took out coins to pay for the bus, Raphaela asked me where money comes from, and how did I (personally) have money to spend. I explained to her that I work very hard, and that I get paid for helping people feel better, and then I have money to take care of us. Raphaela, proud of herself and her future earning capacity, told me that when she gets older she is going to be a Veterinarian.
"That's wonderful, " I said, "but right now you are a little girl who doesn't work. Your work is to go to school and learn great things, play with your friends and do your homework. And you are too young to baby sit." Then I explained the concept of an allowance, that if she does her specific jobs around the house all week, she will earn money, and she can then spend on herself or save toward something bigger.
Raphaela loved that idea, and starting next week, we have a chore chart.
When we met our cousins, my very Israeli daughter asked them how much money they make and basically, what is their net worth. With a nervous giggle, I stopped Raphaela and explained to her that the question was not polite, and that it is really none of our business how much anyone else earns, or where they spend it.
Another life lesson for her to check off the list.
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
Mirror Mirror
My mother had me at the age of 21, I don't know if she was ready to be a parent, but that's just what people did then. My mother had her last child at the same age that I had my first and only daughter.
Some days I wake up and I feel like a grown up: I have a responsible job where I help people feel healthy, I am in charge of my life and the social secretary for my daughter, I do volunteer work and generally, I am seen as a competent adult. Other days I look at myself in the mirror and think, "Who is that? How did I get here?"
Raphaela has three birthday parties this week, and that of course started the massive communication among parents for car pooling. I had agreed to take Raphaela and one of her close friends, and along the way I picked up two other girls from the class. My car was full of gorgeous chattering first graders, one of whom belonged to me.
One of the girls in the car told me that when I send pizza for Raphaela's lunch, she and other kids in the class get jealous. Another girl in the car said that I was a "Cool Mom" and that Raphaela was lucky to have me.
Seriously, when did I become that person trusted by other parents to drive their children? When did I renew my expertise in hair accessories and sticker trading and Barbie? When did my nerdy interests become cool for the next generation?
I once asked a friend if I "looked like a mother," and she said that I look like the right age and station in life to be a parent, without looking "old." My friend also said that I seem like the kind of person who should have had more than one.
And yet some days, I feel like I need someone else to be the adult, or at the very least, I need a personal assistant.
Some days I wake up and I feel like a grown up: I have a responsible job where I help people feel healthy, I am in charge of my life and the social secretary for my daughter, I do volunteer work and generally, I am seen as a competent adult. Other days I look at myself in the mirror and think, "Who is that? How did I get here?"
Raphaela has three birthday parties this week, and that of course started the massive communication among parents for car pooling. I had agreed to take Raphaela and one of her close friends, and along the way I picked up two other girls from the class. My car was full of gorgeous chattering first graders, one of whom belonged to me.
One of the girls in the car told me that when I send pizza for Raphaela's lunch, she and other kids in the class get jealous. Another girl in the car said that I was a "Cool Mom" and that Raphaela was lucky to have me.
Seriously, when did I become that person trusted by other parents to drive their children? When did I renew my expertise in hair accessories and sticker trading and Barbie? When did my nerdy interests become cool for the next generation?
I once asked a friend if I "looked like a mother," and she said that I look like the right age and station in life to be a parent, without looking "old." My friend also said that I seem like the kind of person who should have had more than one.
And yet some days, I feel like I need someone else to be the adult, or at the very least, I need a personal assistant.
Monday, May 16, 2016
Return of an Old Friend
It has been a few years since Raphaela has watched Dora the Explorer, she outgrew the fascination with a magical back pack and talking animals who live in the Amazon Rain Forest. Dora never seemed to go to school, as she was too busy on her fantastical adventures, and her parents didn't seem to mind.
Recently, we discovered a new show called Dora in The Big City, in which Dora is a teenager, her family has moved out of their colorful isolated cabin in the Amazon and into a posh beachfront town. Dora has one friend who is a boy (Pablo) and a group of girls who of course represent all the politically correct skin tones and ethnicities. Dora has also traded in her magical back pack for a magical bracelet; at the end of each show, she and her friends hang out at a juice bar on the pier, and talk about how great it feels to help others.
Dora still does not seem to attend high school.
Well, yesterday we were channel hopping, and delighted in the teenage Dora show, because it was a reunion/cross-over with her old Explorer self. Her best friend, the monkey Boots, needed help, because the Swiper the Thieving Fox stole Back Pack and Talking Map. Which of course led to Dora and her troupe to travel by train plane and automobile, and boat, to the Amazon Rain Forest, her former home.
And of course we got to see all of her old friends: Benny the Strong Dumb Ox , Isa the Lizard Gardener, Tiko the Gay English speaking squirrel, Big Red Chicken, Roberto the Robot, etc. They hadn't changed a bit, and I found myself getting choked up as well.
What impressed me most was that the fox not only acknowledged his stealing ways, but he also showed genuine remorse and helped locate the items. A redemption of sort for the character, except for that brief moment when he contemplated grabbing Dora's magical bracelet.
At the end of the show, after they did the stupid kid Dora dance and sang of a mash up of the new and old series song, all the new and old characters had a sleepover in Dora's TARDIS-like tree house (bigger on the inside) in her backyard, in the Big City. As Dora said, and as I concurred, "We were all having such a wonderful time together and getting along so well, I didn't want it to end."
As the screen faded to black, Boots the Monkey started to tell the story of how he and Dora accidentally turned Benny into a potato.
That was one of my favorite episodes...
Recently, we discovered a new show called Dora in The Big City, in which Dora is a teenager, her family has moved out of their colorful isolated cabin in the Amazon and into a posh beachfront town. Dora has one friend who is a boy (Pablo) and a group of girls who of course represent all the politically correct skin tones and ethnicities. Dora has also traded in her magical back pack for a magical bracelet; at the end of each show, she and her friends hang out at a juice bar on the pier, and talk about how great it feels to help others.
Dora still does not seem to attend high school.
Well, yesterday we were channel hopping, and delighted in the teenage Dora show, because it was a reunion/cross-over with her old Explorer self. Her best friend, the monkey Boots, needed help, because the Swiper the Thieving Fox stole Back Pack and Talking Map. Which of course led to Dora and her troupe to travel by train plane and automobile, and boat, to the Amazon Rain Forest, her former home.
And of course we got to see all of her old friends: Benny the Strong Dumb Ox , Isa the Lizard Gardener, Tiko the Gay English speaking squirrel, Big Red Chicken, Roberto the Robot, etc. They hadn't changed a bit, and I found myself getting choked up as well.
What impressed me most was that the fox not only acknowledged his stealing ways, but he also showed genuine remorse and helped locate the items. A redemption of sort for the character, except for that brief moment when he contemplated grabbing Dora's magical bracelet.
At the end of the show, after they did the stupid kid Dora dance and sang of a mash up of the new and old series song, all the new and old characters had a sleepover in Dora's TARDIS-like tree house (bigger on the inside) in her backyard, in the Big City. As Dora said, and as I concurred, "We were all having such a wonderful time together and getting along so well, I didn't want it to end."
As the screen faded to black, Boots the Monkey started to tell the story of how he and Dora accidentally turned Benny into a potato.
That was one of my favorite episodes...
Tuesday, May 3, 2016
Yom HaShoah 2016
RR: There are Israeli flags on cars and houses! That's because Yom HaAtzmaut is coming. [Israeli Independence Day]
Mom: Actually there is another reason for the flags, tonight starts Yom HaShoah. [Holocaust Remembrance Day] There was an evil man named Hitler, he was kind of like Haman from Purim. Hitler wanted to kill all the Jews, and he did kill too many of us.
RR: How many?
Mom: Hitler killed six million Jews, and lots of other people as well before he was done. This was before there was an Israel.
RR: (in her quiet voice) Six million...that's a lot.
Mom: Yes. And still, the Jews are here.
RR: We are still here. When I have a baby, I will become a Mommy and you will become a Bubby. Life continues, and we will grow and grow.
Mom: Indeed! Tomorrow when you are in school, there will be a siren to remember all the people who died, the soldiers who helped them, and all the Jews who survived and built families again.
RR: But not the kind of siren that you have to run to the bomb shelter, right? I know where the bomb shelter is in our school, we did a drill.
Mom: Right, that is another kind of siren that I hope we don't hear again.
RR: I will make sure to drink a lot of water before the siren, so I can stand still and quiet and not be thirsty.
Mom: The siren does not last that long, I don't think you will get too thirsty.
RR: It goes by quickly. And next week there will be another siren, for the Israeli soldiers who keep us safe.
Mom: That's right, for the soldiers who were killed protecting us and our country.
Mom: Actually there is another reason for the flags, tonight starts Yom HaShoah. [Holocaust Remembrance Day] There was an evil man named Hitler, he was kind of like Haman from Purim. Hitler wanted to kill all the Jews, and he did kill too many of us.
RR: How many?
Mom: Hitler killed six million Jews, and lots of other people as well before he was done. This was before there was an Israel.
RR: (in her quiet voice) Six million...that's a lot.
Mom: Yes. And still, the Jews are here.
RR: We are still here. When I have a baby, I will become a Mommy and you will become a Bubby. Life continues, and we will grow and grow.
Mom: Indeed! Tomorrow when you are in school, there will be a siren to remember all the people who died, the soldiers who helped them, and all the Jews who survived and built families again.
RR: But not the kind of siren that you have to run to the bomb shelter, right? I know where the bomb shelter is in our school, we did a drill.
Mom: Right, that is another kind of siren that I hope we don't hear again.
RR: I will make sure to drink a lot of water before the siren, so I can stand still and quiet and not be thirsty.
Mom: The siren does not last that long, I don't think you will get too thirsty.
RR: It goes by quickly. And next week there will be another siren, for the Israeli soldiers who keep us safe.
Mom: That's right, for the soldiers who were killed protecting us and our country.
Thursday, April 14, 2016
Vacation
This morning Raphaela and I went to the bakery and then walked around the neighborhood, as she has no school (since Tuesday) and no camp on Fridays.
I challenged her to an impromptu photo competition, she played around with my camera, and here is her final submission:
I challenged her to an impromptu photo competition, she played around with my camera, and here is her final submission:
She has a good eye, and as she practices, I have no doubt she will only improve.
Monday, April 11, 2016
A Tree Grows in Jerusalem, A Metaphor
Every year shortly before Pessach, Raphaela and I sort through her clothing and toys, and decide what she has outgrown. Then, while Raphaela is in school (so as to avoid needless trauma), I donate the items to worthy places in the neighborhood.
The puzzles and books go to Raphaela's former nursery school, because at age three they helped my daughter recover remarkably quickly from her previous damaging child care environment. Within a week of starting this new nursery, Raphaela had transitioned from a quiet mouse to a talkative, happy and glowingly positive toddler, and I will never be able to thank them sufficiently for that.
When I walked up to this building yesterday, I could not help but smile. There in the upper courtyard grew a strong and healthy tree, a sapling that had been planted on Tu BiShvat the year that Raphaela attended nursery there, over three years ago.
I snuck inside the classroom and embraced her two teachers, and they inquired about Raphaela, the girl she is today: "Does she still tell stories all the time?" "Does she still radiate love and give hugs?" "Does she have a beautiful group of friends?" "How is she enjoying first grade?"
Like that tree, Raphaela has become a complete personality, with strong roots and opinions, and constantly amazing me every day with her warmth and insight. And I am grateful every day.
The puzzles and books go to Raphaela's former nursery school, because at age three they helped my daughter recover remarkably quickly from her previous damaging child care environment. Within a week of starting this new nursery, Raphaela had transitioned from a quiet mouse to a talkative, happy and glowingly positive toddler, and I will never be able to thank them sufficiently for that.
When I walked up to this building yesterday, I could not help but smile. There in the upper courtyard grew a strong and healthy tree, a sapling that had been planted on Tu BiShvat the year that Raphaela attended nursery there, over three years ago.
I snuck inside the classroom and embraced her two teachers, and they inquired about Raphaela, the girl she is today: "Does she still tell stories all the time?" "Does she still radiate love and give hugs?" "Does she have a beautiful group of friends?" "How is she enjoying first grade?"
Like that tree, Raphaela has become a complete personality, with strong roots and opinions, and constantly amazing me every day with her warmth and insight. And I am grateful every day.
Saturday, April 9, 2016
Thicker Skin
This past Friday when I went to pick up my daughter from school, I was standing with a mother whose child has been in the same class as Raphaela for the last few years. When the girls came out, I gave Raphaela a hug and then a quick hug also to her friend.
"I love these girls," I said to the mother, "especially the ones I have known since they were little."
Raphaela's friend interjected, "That's right, when Raphaela started in nursery and she didn't have any friends, I played with her anyway."
In the past, I have been accused of being too sensitive or quick to get my feelings hurt. Living in Israel has given me a thicker skin. Being a Mom has given me a whole new set of life lessons in coping.
So instead of taking this very honest little girl personally, I processed in my head: "I am not a bad mother," I assured myself. "Raphaela did have social anxiety issues when she was younger. We have moved beyond that now. Yay!"
Once I finished my internal dialogue, I turned to Raphaela's friend and said, "But we're bigger now, right? And now we are past that whole shyness thing, right?"
Both girls nodded their heads enthusiastically, and we all walked home together.
"I love these girls," I said to the mother, "especially the ones I have known since they were little."
Raphaela's friend interjected, "That's right, when Raphaela started in nursery and she didn't have any friends, I played with her anyway."
In the past, I have been accused of being too sensitive or quick to get my feelings hurt. Living in Israel has given me a thicker skin. Being a Mom has given me a whole new set of life lessons in coping.
So instead of taking this very honest little girl personally, I processed in my head: "I am not a bad mother," I assured myself. "Raphaela did have social anxiety issues when she was younger. We have moved beyond that now. Yay!"
Once I finished my internal dialogue, I turned to Raphaela's friend and said, "But we're bigger now, right? And now we are past that whole shyness thing, right?"
Both girls nodded their heads enthusiastically, and we all walked home together.
Monday, March 21, 2016
Purim 2016
When I was single, Purim held little appeal for me, though I did try to wear a creative costume each year. When you have children, in Israel, the holiday of Purim (officially one day long) lasts close to two weeks, and the joy and anticipation of the kids is infectious.
On the first day of the month, the school had a Purim Opening Ceremony. There was Pajamas Day and No-Homework Day, and You-Don't-Have-To-Wear-A-School-Uniform Day. In past years in nursery and kindergarten, the menu included Clown Day, Silly Hat Day, Kings and Queens Day, and the like.
Today, however, the Purim Carnival and Costume Festival takes place. Raphaela woke up at 5:30 am out of pure excitement.
It is a half day of school with the promise of no academic activity whatsoever. Pizza for breakfast, and a roaming popcorn stand! Among their classmates, the exchanging of Mishloach Manot, traditional Purim junk food gift baskets.
To top it all off, this afternoon Raphaela and a friend of hers will be hosting a six and a half birthday party. Both girls were born at the beginning of the school year during the Jewish holidays, and did not have a private party because it was school vacation and the start of the school year, when the girls didn't really know each other and hadn't coalesced as a group.
Raphaela, of course, chose to dress up as Queen Elsa from Frozen, despite my protestations that it was one of the least original costumes out there. She carefully put on her gown this morning, her crown, some eye shadow, an Elsa ring and an Anna bracelet. Raphaela was bedecked and bejeweled.
When I suggested some faux sparkly earrings as well, she scowled at me, horrified at my apparent lack of fashion sense, and said, "Really Mommy, it is too much. That's over the top!"
Needless to say, the halls of a Raphaela's school felt like a Disney princess convention.
On the first day of the month, the school had a Purim Opening Ceremony. There was Pajamas Day and No-Homework Day, and You-Don't-Have-To-Wear-A-School-Uniform Day. In past years in nursery and kindergarten, the menu included Clown Day, Silly Hat Day, Kings and Queens Day, and the like.
Today, however, the Purim Carnival and Costume Festival takes place. Raphaela woke up at 5:30 am out of pure excitement.
It is a half day of school with the promise of no academic activity whatsoever. Pizza for breakfast, and a roaming popcorn stand! Among their classmates, the exchanging of Mishloach Manot, traditional Purim junk food gift baskets.
To top it all off, this afternoon Raphaela and a friend of hers will be hosting a six and a half birthday party. Both girls were born at the beginning of the school year during the Jewish holidays, and did not have a private party because it was school vacation and the start of the school year, when the girls didn't really know each other and hadn't coalesced as a group.
Raphaela, of course, chose to dress up as Queen Elsa from Frozen, despite my protestations that it was one of the least original costumes out there. She carefully put on her gown this morning, her crown, some eye shadow, an Elsa ring and an Anna bracelet. Raphaela was bedecked and bejeweled.
When I suggested some faux sparkly earrings as well, she scowled at me, horrified at my apparent lack of fashion sense, and said, "Really Mommy, it is too much. That's over the top!"
Needless to say, the halls of a Raphaela's school felt like a Disney princess convention.
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
This morning as we were leaving for school, it suddenly started raining upon us. We quickly ran back into the house to get umbrellas and boots, and I said, "It wasn't supposed to rain today!"
Raphaela said, "Those weather forecasters are useless, they never get it right. Why didn't they just look out their window?"
Raphaela said, "Those weather forecasters are useless, they never get it right. Why didn't they just look out their window?"
Saturday, March 12, 2016
Boys Rules
This past Shabbat, we spent lunch and a lovely afternoon with the family of one of Raphaela's school friends, a girl the same age who has been in her class for the last three years.
At one point, her brother and two of his friends were wrestling on the trampoline, and Raphaela came to me, quite concerned. She told me that the boys were fighting, were not playing nicely and were going to get hurt.
I explained to Raphaela - a child who has essentially grown up like Wonder Woman and the Amazonians - that sometimes this is how boys play, that it looks like they are trying to hurt each other but it's really all in fun; they are friends and will be friends after they finish wrestling.
"Really?!" she asked, incredulously.
"Yes, really. This is how boys play sometimes." I answered.
"Strange, but alright..." said Raphaela, and returned to playing with her friend.
At one point, her brother and two of his friends were wrestling on the trampoline, and Raphaela came to me, quite concerned. She told me that the boys were fighting, were not playing nicely and were going to get hurt.
I explained to Raphaela - a child who has essentially grown up like Wonder Woman and the Amazonians - that sometimes this is how boys play, that it looks like they are trying to hurt each other but it's really all in fun; they are friends and will be friends after they finish wrestling.
"Really?!" she asked, incredulously.
"Yes, really. This is how boys play sometimes." I answered.
"Strange, but alright..." said Raphaela, and returned to playing with her friend.
Monday, March 7, 2016
A Double Celebration
Today is a special day, and not because it happens to be International Women's Day.
First of all, today is Harry The Highlander's 14th birthday, that would be 72 years old in human terms. Since Harry goes outside, where there is a constant danger of cars and other animals, I had assumed that he would live to be about ten, and that Raphaela would have the chance to choose the next kitten and raise it more as her own.
And yet here he is, thank G-d active and healthy, still chasing birds and lizards, and leading a generally fulfilling life, for a cat in Jerusalem.
To celebrate, Raphaela took a bag of treats to school, to share with all her classmates, as is the custom in elementary schools in Israel.
Today is also the second day in which Raphaela officially feels that her wiggly wobbly tooth may be falling out, sometime in the next two months...Her excitement grows as she imagines what it would be like to get a visit from the Tooth Fairy, and she wrote a note to her teacher expressing this anticipation and joy.
So it's a good day all around to be a six year old, and to be her Mommy.
First of all, today is Harry The Highlander's 14th birthday, that would be 72 years old in human terms. Since Harry goes outside, where there is a constant danger of cars and other animals, I had assumed that he would live to be about ten, and that Raphaela would have the chance to choose the next kitten and raise it more as her own.
And yet here he is, thank G-d active and healthy, still chasing birds and lizards, and leading a generally fulfilling life, for a cat in Jerusalem.
To celebrate, Raphaela took a bag of treats to school, to share with all her classmates, as is the custom in elementary schools in Israel.
Today is also the second day in which Raphaela officially feels that her wiggly wobbly tooth may be falling out, sometime in the next two months...Her excitement grows as she imagines what it would be like to get a visit from the Tooth Fairy, and she wrote a note to her teacher expressing this anticipation and joy.
So it's a good day all around to be a six year old, and to be her Mommy.
Saturday, February 27, 2016
Small Gifts
There is a well-known Israeli song that has been adopted by every Kindergarten in the country, called "Small Presents." This morning it came on the radio and Raphaela got very excited, as it was the theme of their end of the year party last June.
One of the lines says, "God gave you presents, large and small." To which Raphaela responded, "Mommy, God gave us a gift of the whole world!"
"Every day is a gift, a chance for something great." I told her.
"That's right, every day is a gift, not just Thursdays." Raphaela replied.
(I am sure there is an internal logic there somewhere.)
===================================================================
"Mommy, why do you take much more vitamins than me in the morning?"
"Because I am old, and my body needs more of them."
"You're not old, you're a Mommy!"
One of the lines says, "God gave you presents, large and small." To which Raphaela responded, "Mommy, God gave us a gift of the whole world!"
"Every day is a gift, a chance for something great." I told her.
"That's right, every day is a gift, not just Thursdays." Raphaela replied.
(I am sure there is an internal logic there somewhere.)
===================================================================
"Mommy, why do you take much more vitamins than me in the morning?"
"Because I am old, and my body needs more of them."
"You're not old, you're a Mommy!"
Monday, February 15, 2016
The Empty Plate Club
The Jerusalem Marathon will take place next month, and thanks to the gift of beautiful weather, I have been able to train outside in the park for the last week. Tonight I was talking to Raphaela and expressing the hope that some day maybe we could run together in the Marathon, and Raphaela said, "I will try to run very fast and win!"
I explained to Raphaela that I know that I am not going to come in first place, ("Because usually an African wins," said Raphaela AKA Little Miss Obvious) and that I am running for enjoyment of it, and to know that I finished something I started. "Because when you start something, you must commit to it, and finish it, see it through." I explained.
Then Raphaela and I discussed the one exception to that important life rule, that if you eat and you feel full, you do not have to finish the rest of the contents on the plate. While I am not actively encouraging wasting food, I have taught Raphaela to listen to her body, and stop eating when her body says "Enough."
"Because if you just eat food when you don't need it, you will get fat, and that's not healthy." Added Raphaela, who has a Health Class in school.
"And then," continued my daughter, "if you go to a restaurant and you can't finish your order, you ask them to wrap it up for you and take it home, so you can eat it another day."
I explained to Raphaela that I know that I am not going to come in first place, ("Because usually an African wins," said Raphaela AKA Little Miss Obvious) and that I am running for enjoyment of it, and to know that I finished something I started. "Because when you start something, you must commit to it, and finish it, see it through." I explained.
Then Raphaela and I discussed the one exception to that important life rule, that if you eat and you feel full, you do not have to finish the rest of the contents on the plate. While I am not actively encouraging wasting food, I have taught Raphaela to listen to her body, and stop eating when her body says "Enough."
"Because if you just eat food when you don't need it, you will get fat, and that's not healthy." Added Raphaela, who has a Health Class in school.
"And then," continued my daughter, "if you go to a restaurant and you can't finish your order, you ask them to wrap it up for you and take it home, so you can eat it another day."
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Play Date
After almost four months, Raphaela has a BFF in school, at least for this week...
Yesterday afternoon, she and N had a playdate at N's house, a successful one, so happy that Raphaela did not want to come home. Raphaela also came up with a "great idea, I will dress up as Elsa for Purim and N can be Anna, we can be like sisters!"
This morning I saw the mother of this girl, and she thanked me. She told me that Raphaela is "such a good influence" on her own daughter: "Not only did N clean up her room, she behaved so well, and really related to Raphaela, really played and gave of herself. So thank you!"
Yesterday afternoon, she and N had a playdate at N's house, a successful one, so happy that Raphaela did not want to come home. Raphaela also came up with a "great idea, I will dress up as Elsa for Purim and N can be Anna, we can be like sisters!"
This morning I saw the mother of this girl, and she thanked me. She told me that Raphaela is "such a good influence" on her own daughter: "Not only did N clean up her room, she behaved so well, and really related to Raphaela, really played and gave of herself. So thank you!"
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
Israel Family Day 2016
Family Day is Israel's answer to Mother's Day or Father's Day or Grandparent's Day, traditionally celebrated by Hallmark in the United States. When Raphaela was in nursery and kindergarten, they made more of a fuss about it, this year it seems to have gone by almost un-noticed by her First Grade teacher.
This morning I took a picture of our family, and explained to Raphaela that today's holiday works for everyone, all kinds of different situations, because all of them are loving and valid.
Raphaela nodded her head and said, "God has the biggest family of all, everyone is related to him!"
This morning I took a picture of our family, and explained to Raphaela that today's holiday works for everyone, all kinds of different situations, because all of them are loving and valid.
Raphaela nodded her head and said, "God has the biggest family of all, everyone is related to him!"
Saturday, February 6, 2016
36 Grown-Up Hours
For the first time since Raphaela was born, she stayed with my parents (who were visiting from the US) over Shabbat, and I stayed home, alone, with no one to care for other than myself and marginally, our cat Harry.
Friday
On the way to school, half way down the block, a man called to me. I turned around and did not recognize him, he had just dropped his little boy off at a nursery near our house. He said to us, "I see you and your daughter walking to school every morning. I am headed in that direction, to that school, do you want a ride?"
"No thank you," I said. Because I know that Raphaela is very possessive of our time together in the morning, and because it is a beautiful sunny day, atypical for Jerusalem in February.
After we came home from school in the afternoon, I asked for Raphaela's help in packing the overnight bag, and showed her all her clothing and her toothbrush and hair accessories. "And WHY," she asked with suspicion, "will you not be able to take care of these things yourself?"
I had put off telling her that I would not be joining the rest of the family on this sleepover party, and could not avoid it any longer. I explained that she would have special bonding time with her cousin and her grandparents, and that I would pick her up after Shabbat.
Holding back tears, Raphaela and I chose a special doll that she would take with her, to remind her that I am always with her and always love her, no matter where I am. That seemed to do the trick.
Friday Afternoon
After dropping Raphaela off at my parents and driving home, I could actually feel my stomach drop a little. It felt odd, it felt wrong for the house to be so quiet, for me to have not much of anything to do for anyone. For the first time in six years I had free time without responsibility, and I had no idea what to do with myself.
Apparently, motherhood has altered my identity and my essential state of being, and there's no going back.
Friday Night
Dinner with friends, with good food and a very good bottle of red wine to share. I would estimate that half of the conversation that I contributed to the evening somehow involved my daughter, not counting the people who said, "Too bad Raphaela is not here, I haven't seen her in a while."
I call that the "Mother of" Phenomenon: since I gave birth, my name (and that of all mothers to children in Israel) became "Raphaela's Mother," even amongst the parents of her classmates. In Israel, where family values take precedence above all, you are defined by your relatives and most especially your children.
Shabbat Morning
I can do it! And more miraculously, Harry can do it! My cat (whom I have had longer than Raphaela) who usually wakes me up at the crack of dawn, let me sleep in until 8:30 am. I have not slept past six am in years, and I did not think my body remembered how. Of course, it meant that I missed the party at my friend's house for International Ice Cream for Breakfast Day.
Shabbat Day
I finally got into the groove, stopped feeling guilty, and of all the activities I did today, perhaps the most inspiring was the five kilometer plus hike around Jerusalem. I didn't have to pack a picnic lunch (Raphaela needs snacks when we go on trips), just myself and my sneakers and my bottle of water. I walked through the park, felt the sun on my face, smiled at random people and generally remembered why it feels so good to get some exercise into my life.
I had been waiting for that push to return to an intensive training program for the Jerusalem Marathon in March, and now I have it. That adrenaline also reminded me that I must take care of myself and my body, if I want to stick around for a long and healthy life, and watch Raphaela grow into her full potential.
Saturday Night
I needed time away from Raphaela in order to miss her, in order to understand how we fit into each other, even when we are apart. The closer it got to the end of Shabbat, the more I started going back into Mom mode, thinking about how she has school tomorrow, and hoping that the weekend passed without incident.
I feel truly grateful that my parents were able to take Raphaela for her first ever sleep over, she enjoyed the time with her family, and I was able to have this time to myself.
As soon as she saw me she started crying and fell into my arms, saying that she missed me; my father said that she had been 100% until I walked in the door. It's nice to be missed.
Friday
On the way to school, half way down the block, a man called to me. I turned around and did not recognize him, he had just dropped his little boy off at a nursery near our house. He said to us, "I see you and your daughter walking to school every morning. I am headed in that direction, to that school, do you want a ride?"
"No thank you," I said. Because I know that Raphaela is very possessive of our time together in the morning, and because it is a beautiful sunny day, atypical for Jerusalem in February.
After we came home from school in the afternoon, I asked for Raphaela's help in packing the overnight bag, and showed her all her clothing and her toothbrush and hair accessories. "And WHY," she asked with suspicion, "will you not be able to take care of these things yourself?"
I had put off telling her that I would not be joining the rest of the family on this sleepover party, and could not avoid it any longer. I explained that she would have special bonding time with her cousin and her grandparents, and that I would pick her up after Shabbat.
Holding back tears, Raphaela and I chose a special doll that she would take with her, to remind her that I am always with her and always love her, no matter where I am. That seemed to do the trick.
Friday Afternoon
After dropping Raphaela off at my parents and driving home, I could actually feel my stomach drop a little. It felt odd, it felt wrong for the house to be so quiet, for me to have not much of anything to do for anyone. For the first time in six years I had free time without responsibility, and I had no idea what to do with myself.
Apparently, motherhood has altered my identity and my essential state of being, and there's no going back.
Friday Night
Dinner with friends, with good food and a very good bottle of red wine to share. I would estimate that half of the conversation that I contributed to the evening somehow involved my daughter, not counting the people who said, "Too bad Raphaela is not here, I haven't seen her in a while."
I call that the "Mother of" Phenomenon: since I gave birth, my name (and that of all mothers to children in Israel) became "Raphaela's Mother," even amongst the parents of her classmates. In Israel, where family values take precedence above all, you are defined by your relatives and most especially your children.
Shabbat Morning
I can do it! And more miraculously, Harry can do it! My cat (whom I have had longer than Raphaela) who usually wakes me up at the crack of dawn, let me sleep in until 8:30 am. I have not slept past six am in years, and I did not think my body remembered how. Of course, it meant that I missed the party at my friend's house for International Ice Cream for Breakfast Day.
Shabbat Day
I finally got into the groove, stopped feeling guilty, and of all the activities I did today, perhaps the most inspiring was the five kilometer plus hike around Jerusalem. I didn't have to pack a picnic lunch (Raphaela needs snacks when we go on trips), just myself and my sneakers and my bottle of water. I walked through the park, felt the sun on my face, smiled at random people and generally remembered why it feels so good to get some exercise into my life.
I had been waiting for that push to return to an intensive training program for the Jerusalem Marathon in March, and now I have it. That adrenaline also reminded me that I must take care of myself and my body, if I want to stick around for a long and healthy life, and watch Raphaela grow into her full potential.
Saturday Night
I needed time away from Raphaela in order to miss her, in order to understand how we fit into each other, even when we are apart. The closer it got to the end of Shabbat, the more I started going back into Mom mode, thinking about how she has school tomorrow, and hoping that the weekend passed without incident.
I feel truly grateful that my parents were able to take Raphaela for her first ever sleep over, she enjoyed the time with her family, and I was able to have this time to myself.
As soon as she saw me she started crying and fell into my arms, saying that she missed me; my father said that she had been 100% until I walked in the door. It's nice to be missed.
Tuesday, February 2, 2016
I had a random thought yesterday, as I was walking with Raphaela yesterday while we were doing errands after school. My daughter skipped along, singing to herself, telling me stories from her day, and saying hello to every person we met, spending a little more time if we bumped into someone we know.
She had a smile for everyone, and a hug for the special people.
I marvel at her joy, at her light.
Having grown up as a withdrawn and sad girl, having faced and worked through not the easiest of childhoods myself, I marvel that I am able to raise such a happy child. And I am proud of myself.
Raphaela is my penance, my redemption if you will.
She had a smile for everyone, and a hug for the special people.
I marvel at her joy, at her light.
Having grown up as a withdrawn and sad girl, having faced and worked through not the easiest of childhoods myself, I marvel that I am able to raise such a happy child. And I am proud of myself.
Raphaela is my penance, my redemption if you will.
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