My apologies regarding my most recent and largely confusing post, what I was trying to say was this: everyone who has "good advice" for me highly recommends the institution of couple-hood and marriage, asserting that it would resolve all my stress in life. I then tried to use one of my colleagues as an illustration of the astounding lack of quality single men in my age group, and having encountered this particular man today at our semi-annual Israel Chiropractic conference, I feel quite certain in my assessment of his absolute lack of manners, ethics and self-confidence, and his fragile ego.
One of my teachers in Chiropractic school told us that this profession has a 15-year life span before some version of burn out; not necessarily indicating the need to switch jobs, but rather the importance of the concept of change, of shaking things up so that the job does not become boring, or an emotional burden. I have realized this in both my personal life and in my Chiropractic career, having made aliyah and opened my Israeli clinic 15 years ago this month.
The speaker at today's meeting was a woman named Dr. Sharon Gorman, founder of the international League of Chiropractic Women and a highly successful Chiropractor and business coach. She rallied the Israeli Chiropractic community to unite and motivate each other, but more importantly, she raised certain questions in my head which will help me regain my enthusiasm for the work and implement a new program of priorities.
Her zeal - "I am happier now as a Chiropractor than the day I graduated...I would go back to school again in my 50's if it meant that I could continue to serve." - made me realize that I have indeed lost that part of me that wants to give unconditionally to my patients, because most of my energy in the past four years has been redirected into fertility treatments, pregnancy and raising my child. I am Raphaela's mother first and foremost, then a Chiropractor and then, who am I? I don't know that I could answer that question independent of my relationships and obligations to others.
Sharon Gorman talked about the joy of serving others without expecting anything in return, an admirable goal and one that demands work on my part. And while I have not devised a point-by-point specific plan for revitalizing my practice and my personal life, I now feel more motivated than ever to do so.
The meeting peaked with the surprising announcement that a Chiropractic college will open here in Israel (in the godforsaken city of Naharia) this coming October. Maybe I could teach there, or mentor some students in a small group setting, as part of my new career path.
Oddly enough, surrounded by my friends and colleagues, the moments today at which I felt most at peace and most happy were spent playing with the young smiley baby of the recording secretary. I had forgotten how small babies are, and how curious they are, how open and loving.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Friday, June 1, 2012
From Different Angles
This week, I bumped into a friend at the supermarket, whom I had not seen for quite a while. She said to me, "Wow, you look so much better now that you filled out!"
"Are you saying that I am FAT?!"
She paused for a moment, searching for an escape route, and then said, "No, of course not! What I meant was that after Raphaela's birth you were too thin, and now you look Just Right..."
What happened to "Hello. How are you? You look great."
==================================================================
Today, while auditioning yet another cleaning person, I supervised a man who shows real promise. He worked efficiently and even caught some small things that most cleaners ignore or forget. Plus he didn't just clean the windows, he took them out of the frame and washed them through and through. And he fixed the small leak in my toilet, and the platform on my treadmill.
Married and with many children himself, he said to me as he was leaving, "Your husband is a very lucky man to have such a tidy, special and warm woman like you. You are clearly the Yin to his Yang."
So, any takers? This amazing package includes an active, loving, curious and amazing toddler...
"Are you saying that I am FAT?!"
She paused for a moment, searching for an escape route, and then said, "No, of course not! What I meant was that after Raphaela's birth you were too thin, and now you look Just Right..."
What happened to "Hello. How are you? You look great."
==================================================================
Today, while auditioning yet another cleaning person, I supervised a man who shows real promise. He worked efficiently and even caught some small things that most cleaners ignore or forget. Plus he didn't just clean the windows, he took them out of the frame and washed them through and through. And he fixed the small leak in my toilet, and the platform on my treadmill.
Married and with many children himself, he said to me as he was leaving, "Your husband is a very lucky man to have such a tidy, special and warm woman like you. You are clearly the Yin to his Yang."
So, any takers? This amazing package includes an active, loving, curious and amazing toddler...
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Yesterday afternoon, after picking up Raphaela from Gan, I could not help but notice the large red bite mark on her arm. I ashed her how this happened, and we had the following conversation, in Hebrew:
Raphaela: "A" bit me.
Mommy: What did you say to her when she bit you?
Raphaela: (loudly and dramatically) "No no no! We don't hit in Gan."
Fast forward to the evening, at our weekly swim lessons. Raphaela has found particular delight in hitting me with one of the swim toys.
Mommy: Stop hurting your Mommy!
Raphaela: (looking at me like I am an idiot) Mommy, we don't hit in GAN...
For the record, I quickly disabused her of her assertion and pointed out that we don't hit PERIOD, not at Gan and not in the house and not at the park, and not in the pool.
Raphaela: "A" bit me.
Mommy: What did you say to her when she bit you?
Raphaela: (loudly and dramatically) "No no no! We don't hit in Gan."
Fast forward to the evening, at our weekly swim lessons. Raphaela has found particular delight in hitting me with one of the swim toys.
Mommy: Stop hurting your Mommy!
Raphaela: (looking at me like I am an idiot) Mommy, we don't hit in GAN...
For the record, I quickly disabused her of her assertion and pointed out that we don't hit PERIOD, not at Gan and not in the house and not at the park, and not in the pool.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Medical Update I
We just returned from the rude yet very talented Israeli Opthamologist, who examined Raphaela and came up with a diagnosis which perfectly explains her late walking, and her insecurity in rocky and uneven areas: my daughter is apparently far-sighted (+3.00) at the moment, and can see something two meters away easier than something right in front of her face. Hence, she takes stairs carefully, because she cannot necessarily see the edges clearly.
The doctor did not recommend glasses, but rather that all the people in her life get her used to seeing things further away, rather than straining her eyes up close. He predicted that Raphaela's brain and that nature would self-correct, and that we re-examine the situation in six months.
On the avian front, the baby birds Masha and Bella (named so by Raphaela) have grown quite nicely, they have almost reached full pigeon size, and soon I predict will be flying off with their mother. Honestly, they barely fit in their nest, and I say all power to them. How wonderful to have a National Geographic special on your window sill!
The doctor did not recommend glasses, but rather that all the people in her life get her used to seeing things further away, rather than straining her eyes up close. He predicted that Raphaela's brain and that nature would self-correct, and that we re-examine the situation in six months.
On the avian front, the baby birds Masha and Bella (named so by Raphaela) have grown quite nicely, they have almost reached full pigeon size, and soon I predict will be flying off with their mother. Honestly, they barely fit in their nest, and I say all power to them. How wonderful to have a National Geographic special on your window sill!
The Magical Mystery Medical Tour
(With my sincerest apologies to the Beatles)
Last week, both Raphaela and I went to our family doctor, and both of us received anti-biotics. Technically, I went to the doctor twice last week.
Tonight, in an effort to rule out any issues that might be interfering with Raphaela's growth, we are going to the Optometrist, to get Raphaela's vision checked; for no reason other than prevention, and because sometimes I see her reading books and holding the text close to her face.
We have a follow-up appointment with our GP at the end of this week, and next week, I have my semi-annual dental visit, and Raphaela has a follow-up appointment with the Physical Therapist.
Somehow, in all this, the head nursery teacher has found it appropriate to accuse me of being a "neglectful mother" who does not take care of my child's most basic needs. Raphaela's allergic cough, despite many assurances from me and our physician that it is not dangerous to the other children, bothers her, and today she called in the middle of the work day essentially to threaten me: "I would have sent her home today with that cough, and I am not allowing her to attend Gan tomorrow. What kind of mother hears her child suffering and does nothing?" (Apparently she is talking about me.)
Interesting how the Head Nursery teacher's entire approach toward me and my daughter changed when she understood that Raphaela would not be returning to this Gan next year. All of a sudden, my daughter's toilet training within the framework of the group could be "put off to a more convenient time for her." When the class bully scratched her face and hit her, in front of me, it was "not important" who did it, and I was told that Raphaela's word could not be trusted. And now I neglect my daughter.
Where is she when I lose sleep because I wait to hear my daughter breathing? Where is she when I find the time in between the rest of my life as a single parent and my work to go from doctor to doctor? Was she with me when I took her to the emergency room on Shavuot, and was told that nothing could be done except wait a few days?
After her disturbing phone call, and given her recent obvious turnaround in her treatment of Raphaela and me, her mother, I don't know whether to be more angry or concerned. A part of me feels like I only have to ride out this storm until August, and I am at the very least grateful that she does not spend all day with my child. But right now, if I saw this woman, I think I would punch her. Best to avoid the Head Nursery teacher and follow my parents' advice, "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all."
Then again, I have yet to hear the advice, "Don't blog angry..."
Last week, both Raphaela and I went to our family doctor, and both of us received anti-biotics. Technically, I went to the doctor twice last week.
Tonight, in an effort to rule out any issues that might be interfering with Raphaela's growth, we are going to the Optometrist, to get Raphaela's vision checked; for no reason other than prevention, and because sometimes I see her reading books and holding the text close to her face.
We have a follow-up appointment with our GP at the end of this week, and next week, I have my semi-annual dental visit, and Raphaela has a follow-up appointment with the Physical Therapist.
Somehow, in all this, the head nursery teacher has found it appropriate to accuse me of being a "neglectful mother" who does not take care of my child's most basic needs. Raphaela's allergic cough, despite many assurances from me and our physician that it is not dangerous to the other children, bothers her, and today she called in the middle of the work day essentially to threaten me: "I would have sent her home today with that cough, and I am not allowing her to attend Gan tomorrow. What kind of mother hears her child suffering and does nothing?" (Apparently she is talking about me.)
Interesting how the Head Nursery teacher's entire approach toward me and my daughter changed when she understood that Raphaela would not be returning to this Gan next year. All of a sudden, my daughter's toilet training within the framework of the group could be "put off to a more convenient time for her." When the class bully scratched her face and hit her, in front of me, it was "not important" who did it, and I was told that Raphaela's word could not be trusted. And now I neglect my daughter.
Where is she when I lose sleep because I wait to hear my daughter breathing? Where is she when I find the time in between the rest of my life as a single parent and my work to go from doctor to doctor? Was she with me when I took her to the emergency room on Shavuot, and was told that nothing could be done except wait a few days?
After her disturbing phone call, and given her recent obvious turnaround in her treatment of Raphaela and me, her mother, I don't know whether to be more angry or concerned. A part of me feels like I only have to ride out this storm until August, and I am at the very least grateful that she does not spend all day with my child. But right now, if I saw this woman, I think I would punch her. Best to avoid the Head Nursery teacher and follow my parents' advice, "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all."
Then again, I have yet to hear the advice, "Don't blog angry..."
Sunday, May 27, 2012
A Proper Education
On the way home from the park today, after a most successful Shavuot play date, I witnessed four religious boys (wearing large black velvet kippot) abusing two street cats. I walked over, Raphaela in the stroller, and started shouting at them (in Hebrew) "Stop what you are doing this instant! Stop torturing these cats! They are living beings and they deserve respect and kindness."
One of the boys, a lanky obnoxious thing, began to make fun of my American accent, and I restated my position, "I don't care if you mock me, but don't you dare think that your actions are OK on any level. As a religious person, you are even more accountable for your actions."
He responded by waving around his kippah and said, "This old thing? I wear it just for show." To which I said, "Clearly!" A proper education and system of values starts and ends in the home...
Once we got past that street corner, I explained to Raphaela that Mommy was yelling because the boys were not treating the cats well, and that if we see someone acting badly, we say "No no no!" I wanted to be sure that Raphaela knew that I was not angry with her, and that she learn on some level that if you believe in something important, you must stand up proudly and fight for it.
It also reinforces her self-confidence to assert herself if other children behave inappropriately, in Gan or at the park.
One of the boys, a lanky obnoxious thing, began to make fun of my American accent, and I restated my position, "I don't care if you mock me, but don't you dare think that your actions are OK on any level. As a religious person, you are even more accountable for your actions."
He responded by waving around his kippah and said, "This old thing? I wear it just for show." To which I said, "Clearly!" A proper education and system of values starts and ends in the home...
Once we got past that street corner, I explained to Raphaela that Mommy was yelling because the boys were not treating the cats well, and that if we see someone acting badly, we say "No no no!" I wanted to be sure that Raphaela knew that I was not angry with her, and that she learn on some level that if you believe in something important, you must stand up proudly and fight for it.
It also reinforces her self-confidence to assert herself if other children behave inappropriately, in Gan or at the park.
Friday, May 25, 2012
I have been taking anti-biotics for allergies turned into a sinus infection. Raphaela just started a series of various medications for a cough that is turning nasty.
This morning, in her eagerness to take her drugs - not ignoring the irony that she is the daughter of a Chiropractor - she dropped an almost full glass bottle on the floor. Shards of glass and sticky syrup everywhere, not to mention that now we must return to the doctor, get another prescription and go to the pharmacy again.
My cleaning person did not show up today, nor did she answer her phone or reply to my SMS reminder.
My patient did not show up today, but neglected to tell me, so I sat around waiting for a cleaning person and waiting for a client, not using the time wisely ie to clean the house and the floors myself, before Raphaela returns from Gan.
And now we enter into a lovely long weekend for the holiday of Shavuot, where I predict that I will officially go insane, and cry on a regular basis. There are not enough play dates in the world to save me.
This morning, in her eagerness to take her drugs - not ignoring the irony that she is the daughter of a Chiropractor - she dropped an almost full glass bottle on the floor. Shards of glass and sticky syrup everywhere, not to mention that now we must return to the doctor, get another prescription and go to the pharmacy again.
My cleaning person did not show up today, nor did she answer her phone or reply to my SMS reminder.
My patient did not show up today, but neglected to tell me, so I sat around waiting for a cleaning person and waiting for a client, not using the time wisely ie to clean the house and the floors myself, before Raphaela returns from Gan.
And now we enter into a lovely long weekend for the holiday of Shavuot, where I predict that I will officially go insane, and cry on a regular basis. There are not enough play dates in the world to save me.
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