Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Lucid Dreaming

Last night I had a dream, in which my parents decided to go on sabbatical, and took all of us children with them.  At this point in the dream, I was in college, and the decision was very sudden with no real warning or preparation time before we left.

My parents and siblings, and many other guests are sitting around the table of meal, and the host has decided that each person at the table must explain their secret desires and hopes for their life, in a creative and entertaining way.  Each person at the table then proceeded with elaborate performances, I stood up and sang an aria from some opera.

At a certain point, several others and I left the main table, and were talking in the kitchen.  We observed that the host's wife, an artsy sort of individual, refused her husband's demands, saying that she did not have to perform for anyone and that she would not demean herself for his pleasure.  I confided quietly that in fact her strength of character and individuality represents my secret desire and hope, that I wished I could be more like her.  I wished that I did not acquiesce to the demands of others, only because I had been trained to be a "good girl" and to fit into society.

As I stood in the kitchen washing some dishes from the meal, I burst out crying, uncontrollable tears on the verge of wailing.  I had been thinking about the life I had left behind to join my parents on sabbatical, friends and classes;  how we had traveled so quickly that I had not finished settling bills or packing up my apartment.  How I felt at a loss because I did not have any time to plan what I would be doing for myself, this year of my parents' choosing.

The host heard my crying from the next room and asked impatiently, "what is that noise all about?"  As I stood, still crying, one of the others took a microphone and explained my feelings and my needs to the group.

(I have had the skill of lucid dreaming since childhood, and I tend to remember all my dreams, each night, but I tend to hold onto those that clearly send me a message from my subconscious.)

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