Wednesday, August 10, 2011

It Took Close to Two Years...

and for the first time since the pregnancy, I feel stretched to the very limits of my coping capabilities as a human being, and as a single parent. 

In honor of Raphaela's surgery, we were essentially home together, alone, for two weeks. I blessed the day that she was able to return to Gan.
Since the surgery, Raphaela now wakes up at random times in the middle of the night, and I am getting even less sleep than normal.
The surgery also gave Raphaela an endless supply of energy with which to express the "Terrible Twos" phenomenon even more than before;  every small decision in her life has now become a struggle to the death for her independence.
I am dealing with work, the law suit against the land lord, preparations for moving and stressful family issues.

Research says that Chiropractors need to take a break or change up their routines after 15 years of practice, or else they will come to resent their calling.  I have been working more than fifteen years, and unless I win the lottery this week, I must continue working in order to support myself and Raphaela.

I can't remember the last time I saw a movie, went out to eat at a nice restaurant, or took a real vacation that did not involve family obligations.  It has been so long since I have been intimate with a man, physically or intellectualy.  I did not celebrate my birthday because it was the first day home after Raphaela's surgery.  Other than the three days of recovery after my emergency appendectomy, I have never been away from Raphaela, and I have never had someone actively come and take charge of her, not even for a short period of time.  This morning, I could not take a shower without her joining me.

I adore my daughter, she gives me so much joy and pride.

That being said, for my mental health, it would be so nice to be able to hand her over, for one day.  For me to take care of me, without feeing guilty or worrying about my life.  I fear that if I don't get some time to myself, I will lack the patience and energy to take care of anyone else.

1 comment:

Philo said...

Just get through your move. Once you're away from that a-hole of a landlord and his goons, hopefully things will begin to look up.