Monday, May 17, 2010

The Simple Life

Raphaela has finally officially started crawling forward, rather than the continuous activity (fun!) of getting her self stuck under various pieces of furniture. She has two methods, one, which my care taker calls "Commando Crawling"; or the second, in which she gets on all fours, revs her body forward and then does a little hop. I know that eventually she will understand that it is much more efficient and far less traumatic to her knees to move one leg at a time.

I was thinking, and actually a bit jealous, that the life of a child at this age can be very focused and oh so simple. All Raphaela thinks about is learning how to crawl and playing with the various educational and yet entertaining toys that I spread out for her on her activity blanket. She knows that I will feed her and play with her and read her stories; she knows thank G-d that she has a Mommy who will take care of her and tuck her in at night, and be there the next morning.

Raphaela has no concept that the planet might be falling apart or that the Israeli government might be falling apart, nor does she care. She also doesn't know the constant stream of thoughts that regularly rush through my head, more so since we returned from the United States.

I feel frustrated and worried that my office has not picked up, that I must basically start from scratch to remind my patients that I am indeed back in Israel and working. If it were just me, I would obsess less, but now I have a child to think about. I cannot bear the idea that my daughter will feel the struggle of worrying about bills, or food or diapers.

For now, I have been dipping into my savings, and I am planning for the day when these concerns are a distant memory, when our lives are more stable.


Amy Charles said...

It will happen, and it'll be all right. She'll see you struggle. And because she'll be a nice girl, she'll want to help. And as she gets older you'll have to let her help, in appropriate ways, but not too much.Trust me, she'll come out a nicer girl for it, and someone else will appreciate that. Just don't worry aloud too much around her.

Doc said...

Don't worry, I put on a smile when I am around her, I wait until she has gone to sleep when I fuss and obsess in my head. I don't know too many people for whom there is never a struggle, financial or otherwise, and I think that life is defined by our challenges, and the struggle refines us. I just don't want it to affect her in the most basic way, for her basic needs.

I also came back from the States with this idea that we should move to a community that is more appropriate for her and for me, but right now the idea of moving (and buying a place? Taking on a mortage?!) seems too overwhelming to me. So now I am a bit depressed that I want better for us, and the work situation is the limiting factor.