Monday, May 10, 2010

Raphaela Needs a Sibling

Every time I watch a television program where a woman gives birth, I of course start crying, remembering my own positive experience. I enjoyed being pregnant, that idea of a life growing inside me, my body encouraging her and nourishing her without me paying attention. I can't say that I enjoyed the birth itself - back labour, no epidural, the midwife disappearing on me in the middle - but when I held Raphaela for the first time, I felt the Greater Universe clicking into place.

Tonight, while flipping channels, I came across a silly reality show called "Kendra" (one of Hugh Hefner's former girlfriends), in which she has a C-section and becomes a mother, surrounded by her husband and her extended family. Hearing her complain about the pain of the contractions, seeing a new little boy come into the world on international television, I immediately thought, "I want to do that again, I want another one."

I want another child because I don't want Raphaela to be an Only, and I so enjoyed the first time around that I would look forward to another pregnancy. I want to have another baby while I can still conceive and carry a healthy boy or girl to term, without having to do complicated IVF or other fertility procedures.

Realistically speaking, however, I would only have another child presuming I were married, and had both the emotional and financial support as a mother and as a wife. I want to give Raphaela the best of me and the best life I can offer her, and that would not happen if I were a single mother of more than one.

1 comment:

Amy Charles said...

Don't worry about Raphaela's being an only. The stereotyes come true only if you shelter her from the entire world. My daughter grew up partly in a family-style daycare with kids ranging in age from baby to about 8 years, and the older kids help look after (and put up with) the younger ones, while being taught how to be good to the littles by the caregivers. The result's that she's much more aware of other people's feelings and steps in to help more than kids-with-sibs in her elementary school do. In her after-school program now, she's one of the younger kids, playing with kids up to age 12 -- but she still asks to go back to her old daycare sometimes, and does. And at shul, of course, she's one of the pack -- little kids, teenagers all running around. This is the first year she's really friends with the bat mitzvah girls, so she's very excited for the season.

:) And one advantage of being single mom to an only is that it's unlikely you're going to spoil her materially or give her the idea that she has no responsibilities to the household.