Fog and Transition

On June 26, 2010, I will celebrate my "Bar Mitzvah" of aliyah, I will have lived in Israel as an Israeli citizen for 13 years. A little bit after that, I will hit the 15 year "itch" of Chiropractors, and I am already feeling that need to shake things up with my work; having a daughter may have precipitated an early onset of this condition, a child changes all priorities.

Since my return from the States after Pessach, I have been feeling as if I am living in a fog, in a place of neither here nor there, where other than spending time and taking care of Raphaela, I have lost my focus and my passion. As per the Law of Attraction, if I send out a message of ambivalence, the Universe responds tenfold, causing a slow down in my patient load and leading to anxiety about my financial situation. The fears push people further away, and then I get stuck in an unhealthy cycle.

I need to make a change in all areas of my life: my housing, my work and my social life. I want to find a place in a community which nourishes me and my daughter spiritually, physically and religiously; where I can see us thriving and enjoying life in the short and long term. I must decide to set aside time for myself, to take classes or attend lectures or work out in the gym; in principle I have no problems with leaving Raphaela with a baby sitter. I need to open myself to friendships new and established, and make room for a potential husband/lover/father, when the time is right.

I want to have another child, and cannot reasonably do so as a single parent with a limited income.

I was thinking of setting up an appointment with my Life Coach, with whom I have not consulted since I got pregnant. She helped me come to the most important and amazing decision in my life then, perhaps she can help me now.

I normally embrace change, and now my choices affect two people, and that may be the scariest part of all.