Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The Child-Care Blues

As a new parent in a foreign country, I am learning new important pieces of information every day. In Israel, there are, apparently, four different levels of child-care:

1. Baby sitter, ie the person who charges around 30 NIS per hour and comes to your home and watches your child. After having interviewed many candidates, I believe I have found one woman who satisfies my requirements and has my trust in this position; I could have her watch Raphaela while I work in my Chiropractic office, knowing that my child is in the next room with a competent and caring person.

2. Metapelet [Hebrew for Care Taker] ie a woman who takes two to three babies into her home or specific place of work. Less expensive than a baby sitter but not located in my home, so I have less information as to the details of how Raphaela spent her time. However, it gives my very alert child a chance to socialize and learn how to share.

3. Mishpachton [Hebrew for Family Center] ie a location outside the home with six to ten children and hopefully a decent ratio of care takers. They will keep your child pretty much all day, feed them and change them and make them take a nap. That kind of atmosphere spells trouble for me, at the very least because it represents way too much exposure to germs, and Israelis are not quite as careful as they should be about not keeping sick children at home.

And now we have arrived at today's story, with our number four option.

4. Maon ie a location outside the home that accepts children from the age of six months and through three years old. Like a Mishpachton, they will keep your children all day, and on the positive side, once your child gets used to the place and the people, they don't have to leave for three years, or readjust to a new situation every year.

I visited one such place today, within walking distance from my apartment. First thing I noticed was the play area outside, climbing toys inside a giant sandbox. As a cat owner, I kept thinking about what my relatively clean cat (Harry), and his less than clean street cat friends would do in a place like that. When I walked in, it smelled like fried fish, which had in fact been the lunch that day.

The babies area contained 14 children for two care takers, and at least two of the children exhibited throaty coughs and/or runny noses in the ten minutes that I stood in the room with Raphaela. This part of the nursery also contained row after row of small cribs, and reminded me of the opening scene in the orphanage, in the Broadway musical, Annie.

Though the play space was baby-proofed, the entire facility felt "institutional" to me. I felt like this was a place that I would only leave my child if I had no other choice, no matter how convenient the idea of consistency for the first three years; and no matter how inexpensive compared to other options.

I am told that not every maon feels like this, that there are high quality facilities as well throughout Jerusalem.

As a child, my parents did not have a lot of money, and we lived (at one point before moving out of the New York area, four children and two adults) in a cramped three-bedroom apartment. I started working as a baby sitter at a young age, and always sought out opportunities to earn money for myself, to help pay for basics like a new outfit, or a "luxury" like art supplies.

I always felt less-than, looked down upon by my classmates and pitied by the adults in our Jewish community. Being in this maon today reminded me of the shame and sadness I felt in my early life, and I have no intention of exposing my daughter to the same thing.

I, and my daughter, deserve better.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow! Normally I read your blog posts in Google Reader so I haven't yet seen pictures of Raphaela yet. She is really cute and I love the picture of her smiling! In response to your post, I would like to say that you are very lucky that you can afford to be choosy about where to send your daughter. I hope you find a wonderful place for her. My daughter Ziva was/is also very alert and I like sending her to a place with 5 or so children that are a few months older than her. She learns new things and is entertained. Good luck!

koshergourmetmart said...

you are very lucky that you have the possiblity of going with the first option-having the babysitter come to your home or be in the next room at your office. In terms of option 3,4. First, it is good for children to get exposed to germs so they develop antibodies-you do not want a child kept in a sterile environment since that can lead to problems (my husband and I think that peanut allergies are more prevalent in the US due to use of lysol) In terms of there is "way too much exposure to germs, and Israelis are not quite as careful as they should be about not keeping sick children at home." Should a parent who needs the money and does not have the luxury of staying home with a child who has a cold or runny nose not be permitted to send their child to day care. Also, do not look at things through your own personal prism instead of objectively. Consistency and having a social life is good for kids. Your saying that "I always felt less-than, looked down upon by my classmates and pitied by the adults in our Jewish community. Being in this maon today reminded me of the shame and sadness I felt in my early life" Is there really a feeling there of pity or that your child will be looked down upon? More important, did the children there seem unhappy? Were there babies crying for attention and uninterested caregivers? Were the children there listless? Or were they happy, laughing and doing things happy babies do? Have you spoken to other parents who send their kids there? If there are other maons and a maon will fit your budget and lifestyle go investigate. No one is going to think less of you b/c you send your child there.

Amy Charles said...

That's too many babies for two caregivers. In my state, the maximum ratio is 3:1, and, having participated in a co-op and been a licenced childcare provider, I can tell you that 3 is too many.

Keep in mind that if you have a babysitter, you need to give the sitter some freedom -- and then check up. If you try to keep the sitter cooped up in a room, you'll lose her. So lay down your ground rules -- where may she take the baby? What are the rules for talking on the phone? Can she drive the baby around? Will you allow personal errands? Etc.

There are many good resources out there for nanny management, and one of the best I've found is the Berkeley Parents' Network board. Much of the advice is local to Berk, but there's good general advice there, too.

Welcome to the club. It gets easier.

Amy Charles said...

Also, with all respect, it sounds like your original community sucked. People here work because they've got a hell of a work ethic and because they don't want to live in debt forever. My 6-year-old looks for money everywhere she goes (and, God knows how, finds it on the ground) -- why? To save for college. OK by me. Yes, most of her friends are rich. I'm pleased to see that my kid already has a nascent and very midwestern contempt for the act of throwing money around just to throw it around.

If I may offer some advice (not that anyone seems to refrain) -- don't knock yourself out trying to keep up with such people. If someday Raphaela feels she must, then she must, but if there's one thing that'll doesn't pay off, it's that. Just live with what's important to you and as you must. If love is there, it comes through, and in the end that's what matters.

Commenter Abbi said...

I've done the babysitter in the next room while I work in another room. When they're tiny, it's ok. After about 6 months, when she only wants you, it gets much harder, especially when she wises up to the fact that you're in the next room. It's fine when the weather is nice and the babysitter can take her out to the park. It sucks when the weather is crappy.

I sent my middle daughter to a woman who took two babies and had her own. It worked out great because she was out of the house, got lots of attention, got to the park every day and had two little friends to play with. Right now my youngest is in a mishpachton with a staff of 3 and 7 babies. He's very happy there and so am I.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the info. It sounds pretty user friendly. I guess I’ll pick one up for fun. Thank u.


Child Care