My "To Do When You Have Time" list includes the project of sorting through Raphaela's book shelves, culling those that are no longer appropriate or challenging at the age of three, and introducing some of the more advanced books that Raphaela received as baby gifts.
Shabbat being Shabbat, the floor of the playroom was entirely covered this afternoon as Raphaela and I sorted through her collection, and then we sat on my bed to read together.
We started with The Giving Tree (Shel Silverstein), and about half way through the book I started to feel both sad and angry, and by the time we got to the end I was crying. I'm not even sure how to explain my reaction to this fable of Motherhood and Sacrifice, but I do know that I didn't like it. When Raphaela saw me crying, she gently closed the book and put on the side and said, "Don't worry Mommy, we won't read this book anymore."
To counteract my sadness, we read Corduroy (Don Freeman) and by the end I was once again crying, but this time out of nostalgia: "This must be home...I know I've always wanted a home." When I explained to Raphaela that these were tears of happiness, she took the book from my hands and smiled, and said, "I will hold onto this book for us."
6 comments:
You might just as well call the Silverstein book "Why Not to Date", is the problem.
I don't know that it's about the whole male-female dynamic. For me, the deeper point is that this book sends the message that the Mom must give and give and give and give, even at the price of her own unhappiness. It's the message that the boy never said "Thank You," and that didn't seem to be a problem, his not recognizing that there should be some respect for the person/tree who is willing to give up everything they have to make you happy, because they love you. And I kept thinking as I was reading the story, when does someone come back and take care of the tree, because she matters!
That's so sweet.
Doc: Yup, what you said seems to me a fair representation of the male-female dynamic as I've seen it over the last 40-some years. I keep playing my Marlo Thomas & waiting for things to change, but it ain't happened yet. Unless you count tokens like being called "my better half" now and then, and personally, I'm over that.
I suspect the reason the book's made generations of mothers deeply, deeply angry is that it describes in unvarnished fashion too many inconvenient facts of their lives.
And in terms of the dating situation, I think it explains a lot vis a vis the phenomenon of so many great women being single, at least in my generation. You have an entire population of men who have been brought up to think that it is OK to always put your own needs first, and to take what you need from the woman (mother/girlfriend/wife) in your life; no words about taking responsibility for yourself. While we are listening to Marlo Thomas and getting an education and bettering ourselves, they are reading The Giving Tree (A Cautionary Tale).
Seriously, the boy disappears for years and when he returns (to take away something else from the tree), Silverstein writes, "the tree was so happy she could hardly speak." WTF
You have an entire population of men who have been brought up to think that it is OK to always put your own needs first, and to take what you need from the woman (mother/girlfriend/wife) in your life; no words about taking responsibility for yourself.
I guess it's been that way since the beginning of time, and it was a dream to think our generation would change things.
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