Thursday, October 11, 2012

Teething, Again

As a baby, Raphaela's teeth erupted without fuss;  no fever or diahrea or crying, they simply appeared. We got lucky.

Two days ago, Raphaela was sent home from Gan with complaints of severe ear pain, though no other symptoms, not even fever or loss of apetite.  Our family doctor examined her and said that her ears were clear on both sides, as was her lymphatic system and her throat.  He theorized that Raphaela could be experiencing the effects of erupting molars, and concluded that she could in fact return to her routine. She stayed home with me (and a baby sitter) yesterday and acted more or less like herself, so when she woke up this morning with no fever and some low level crankiness, I informed her that she would be returning to school.

"Mommy, I feel better but I don't want to go to Gan.  I want to stay home with you."

For both our sakes and with a little bit of bribery, Raphaela happily got dressed and went to Gan, leaving me the normalcy that I need to work today and actually make some money after a week and a half of vacation.

When I left her there, she seemed fine and settled in quickly.

Here's the problem:  ever since my heart-to-heart chat with Savta Shira, I have been doubting every decision I make regarding Raphaela.  Every time I open my mouth, I think to myself, "Am I giving into her again?  What a parody I have become, the stereotypical overtired/overworked/overindulgent/weak single mother.  [The kind I always saw on the BBC parenting shows with Dr. Tanya, and said to myself, I will never become THAT...] Wow, am I a lousy person."

I will get out of this loop of negativity, but I don't know how to convey to Savta Shira how betrayed I felt, and how deeply it has affected me both in terms of the trust in our relationship, and how I see myself as a parent.

1 comment:

Amy Charles said...

Nooo. Doc, you don't have to tell Savta Shira anything right now. Nor do you have to take her words about you seriously.

Whenever someone decides they have to cut loose on you "for your own good", immediately find the nearest exit. You may never know what's prompting them to bring out the baseball bat, but *it's not about you*.

A month ago a guy who's been a good and helpful friend sometimes, less solid others, pulled the same crap on me. Told me -- no joke -- to prepare for poverty because nobody wanted to hire me anymore. Of course, it's been raining jobs ever since, but in the moment I was all, "Really?" And he's there helpfully supplying what he says are quotes from people about how my work's uneven, no good, etc.

It's the second time he's just turned around and stabbed me. First time I told him, "Do that again and we're done." So we're done. Yes, he was a great friend in many respects, but I don't need a sometimes-great sometimes-stabby friend. Neither do you. Give SS time to chill, forget what she said, and then for RR's sake see if you can just go on. In the meantime, take the opportunity to find other people to knit into RR's life.