Sunday, June 6, 2010

Silencing the Voices

I was once asked in an interview when I would stop blogging, and I replied that I would stop when it no longer served its purpose. Based upon the responses to my last posting, it seems that time has come.

I chose to become a single parent by choice because I did not want to live a life of regret. I did not want to look back - once I was menopausal, and whether I was married or not - and feel the emptiness of never having experienced pregnancy, birth and the joy of raising children. I do not regret my choice, and have more joy in my life than I have ever felt before, although I had quite an accomplished life before my daughter came along.

I chose to blog about the process of becoming pregnant and being a single parent in Israel because I wanted to share, and I wanted to inspire. I wanted to tell a story about the hardships and rewards of making the choice, so that other women out there who might be considering this path, or other women who were themselves single parents, would not feel alone.

Now, apparently, I am "self-righteous," a "pain in the ass" and an aggravation for those who cannot give me the benefit of the doubt. Once I might have gotten excited that my writing created "buzz." Not lately, however, and so now I choose to retire this blog, this will be my last entry for a while.

There will be amazing times ahead, and I am not ready to share it with some of you; I thank those of you who enjoyed reading this blog and responded positively.

Let my mother know, will you? She hates this blog.


Dan said...

Thanks for entries and the sharing of your experiences - always well written and thought provoking. I will miss them.

Dokemion said...

For a single mom, today’s job market is filled with insecurity. Layoffs and downsizing have become more and more common. Working hard for a company and being rewarded is now a distant memory. The only way to be totally financially independent in the world today is by taking control of your own destiny.

Sarah said...

Indeed it takes stamina to write a good blog, because harsh criticism is part of the territory. I stopped writing anything controversial a couple years ago when I decided I couldn't take the heat -- but now my blog is really bland and boring. Can't have one's cake and eat it, too. You (we/bloggers) take risks in exposing our inner lives, and it takes a thick skin to ignore the critical voices which inevitably show up.

You might find that you miss blogging, or that something comes up you want to write about -- and that now you are ready to face the icky parts of the blogging process. I hope you'll be back!

s5 said...

Well, given some privacy issues, it might not be that a bad idea to stop blogging.

I get the impression that it is rather difficult to take back what you said on a blog.

To me, it is a pity that you stop blogging, since I found the insights into your life quite interesting. But I guess I cannot do critical comments and then regret that the person stops blogging because of me. Although, I did not really mean it is an offense.

It is just that sometimes what you write gives the impression that you like to proselytise people around you for your convictions (not smoking, not to waste water, etc), even if that causes them some level of discomfort...

Amy Charles said...

s5, what's it to ya? She tells people not to smoke around her kid, you don't like it, don't read the blog.

As far as "some level of discomfort" goes, consider that more than 1 in 10 people around you have some form of respiratory illness. That alone's a good enough argument for asking people to put it out, save smoking for private places where they're not going to give other people trouble breathing. Not being able to breathe well is a little more serious than "some level of discomfort".

Doc, I think it'd be a shame if you quit. There's a decent-sized buzz around SMBC stuff these days, but the realities get overlooked. And there's almost nothing out there to do with Jewish single mothers, because, as you well know, as far as the various communities go, we don't exist. Can't exist. Does not compute.

I hope you keep blogging.

Doc said...

I address my comments to s5 in particular, but to readers in general. When I started to blog, I was fully aware of the privacy issues, and knew that writing would expose me to commentary, both positive and negative. But you s5 and others can now accept the credit for making me feel insulted and way too vulnerable; don't expect that you can call me names and that as a human being, it won't hurt me and lead to certain choices.
Especially when you twist my words: you may recall that in my piece about the sprinkler, I expressed my amazement at my Israeli mentatality. I did not however march over to my nieces and give them an eco-lecture, nor did I express my feelings to anyone but this blog. In fact, I took Raphaela into the wading pool so she could play with her cousins.

You don't really know me, but I can tell you that when I was much younger (in high school) I was a more black-and-white judgemental person, but life changes you. I made an active decision to become something different and worked hard at it. So when I say that I fight for something, it is because it is worth the effort, not because I am a sanctimonious person.

Doc said...

I now address my comments a little more specifically to Amy and Sarah: I know that the voice of Jewish single parents (male or female) are even less visible than the single parent phenomenon in general, and I know that there will be a part of me that will miss the writing, and the sharing. But I don't want to become a "how many diapers I changed today" blog, just for the sake of avoiding nasty responses. And so I am conflicted.

s5 said...

I am sorry, I did not mean to insult and aks for your pardon in all form.

Abandoning Eden said...

I would be sad to see you go, I like reading about your experiences of being a new mother.