Core Values

Because children grow up so quickly, and because girls in particular become very aware way too soon of the "classic" IE airbrushed concept of beauty, I have taken a very strong stance to remind Raphaela that we must, as women, first and foremost love and respect our own bodies.

Every day I allow Raphaela to put on "lipstick" (actually Vaseline or Chap Stick), but I have agreed in principle that she may wear real make up ( lip gloss, a touch of eye shadow and possibly blush) on special occasions, which include being the Shabbat Ima at Gan, major Jewish holidays or family weddings.

Nail polish goes without saying, even on a regular day.

This morning we were walking to Gan and Raphaela said, to no one in particular, "I am so beautiful!  Of course I would be even more beautiful if I could have put on make up this morning." (Wink wink, nudge nudge...)

I stopped and got down to eye level and told her that no amount of make up could make someone beautiful on the outside if they were ugly on the inside.

"You are beautiful on the inside, you have a kind and loving heart, and that is what makes you beautiful also on the outside.  I will always love you, and I will always be proud of your beautiful soul."

Raphaela understood and I will continue to reinforce this message for her, but I doubt if that will stop the march of  the damaging commercialism aimed at our children.

Theology 101

When I was about ten years old, I very distinctly recall asking the Rabbi of our local synagogue the following question:  "God created us, but who gave birth to God?"

The Rabbi stammered for five minutes, and quoted several lines from the Hebrew  prayer "Adon Olam" [translated as Master of the World] including, "God has been, is now and always will be."  Then he sent me off to my father.

I remember thinking that the answer was shoddy at best, and if the Rabbi had said to me, "Great question, I wish I had a full answer that would satisfy your intelligence and curiosity, but I don't.  God is, always has been, way before you or I were born.  And there are mysteries of the Universe that we cannot fully understand in our limited human capacity."  At least he would have been honest to me and to himself.

The Rabbi may as well have quoted Monty Python (Meaning of Life) to me:  "Oh Lord, you are so great.  And really really big...We're all very impressed down here."

Walking home from Gan yesterday, Raphaela and I had one of our more deep conversations:

RR:  Mommy, Hashem knows everything, right?
Me:  Yes.
RR:  And you know everything, right?
Me: (emphatically) No I do not, I know a lot of things, and at the moment I know more about the world than you do.  But I do not know everything and I am just as human as the rest, I will make mistakes and so will you.
RR:  Does Hashem take care of everyone or only Good People?
Me:  Hashem created all of us, and because we are all his children, he loves us all the time, even if we are not behaving nicely, and he takes care of all of us.
(I then reminded Raphaela that on Pessach we take away some of our wine to remember all the Egyptians who were killed, knowing that just because they enslaved us, they were also God's children and God loved them too.)
RR:  But Hashem punishes Bad People.
Me:  Life is not about reward and punishment, everything that happens to us is there to teach us something.  Good People will not always get great things, and Bad People will not always get terrible things.  Everything that happens to us is there to help us become better and kinder to each other.
RR:  But Hashem prefers it if we behave nicely, right?
Me:  Absolutely.

Loving this age...