Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Out Out Damn Staples

It has taken me three days and countless phone calls, but I have finally managed to schedule the removal of the horrendous and painful stomach staples for tomorrow.

After observing my behaviour on the phone with the HMO and with the surgeons at Shaarei Zedek Hospital, my mother said that I was very hard to refuse once I put my mind to something.  I am not quite sure if she meant it 100% as a compliment, but I take it as such.


Commenter Abbi said...

My mom and I had a great relationship before I made aliya 10 years ago. I think the distance has made things quite difficult as it can for any relationship (another topic for another time)

Even though I'm married, frum, working, and she loves the way I raise my kids, she still found something to harp on- my weight!. I've had great difficulties taking off weight with each successive baby and it's really sent her over the edge because she's brainwashed by american media that overweight= certain death from diabetes, heart disease, etc. And she really drove me batty for a while about it. We had a huge blowout last year, it was extremely difficult.

We've recovered, but one thing the experience really taught me: the need to separate yourself from your mother's issues with yourself. Her problems with your are not your problems. They are hers to deal with. You're not going to convince her any time soon that everything is peachy, so the best thing you can do for yourself and Raphaela is draw a line and say "Wow, what a shame my mom has to busy herself worrying about these things that she can't change and aren't going to change. They must really get in the way of her enjoying the time she has with us". And accept the help and love she can manage to give. And move on.

This is of course WAY WAY easier said than done. It sounds like you've had a difficult relationship for quite a while with your mom. If you haven't done any therapy about it, I highly recommend it. It would probably help you be less resentful and frustrated with your family and build a healthier connection to them, both long and close distance.

Good luck and refuah shleimah

Commenter Abbi said...

Oy, sorry, this was in response to your mom post. :(

Doc said...

Having done lots of therapy on the subject of my relationship with my family, I am at the point where I can separate myself from their issues most of the time. I very much appreciate being able to speak to them on the phone, then hang up and go back to my real and happy life. However, when I am totally dependent on my mother to take care of me and my daughter, and we are living together under one space, it is harder to filter.