Too Much Information

Once Pessach was over and my sainted sister returned to New York with her family, my parents noticed that there was a new baby in the house who had flown all the way from Israel to meet them. It took several more days before they took an active interest and started playing with Raphaela; and now that we have only two more days in the United States, my parents have started playing with Raphaela with real affection and enthusiasm.

It is nice to see, it makes me happy.

They have also decided that I should be embraced with a level of parental interest that I never really experienced from them, and at the age of 41 it is almost inappropriate. For example, I was sitting at the basement computer checking email and my father noticed that I had received a new match from the Jewish dating website, SawYouatSinai. We looked at the profile together, and for me personally, there was nothing in there that made me feel like I wanted to get to know this man better. My father, in a gentle and subtle way, suggested that I should not discount any dating options, because you never know where that all elusive Chemistry will appear.

While I agree with my father in principle, I have developed over the years and through extensive dating, a radar about people, and this matchmaking candidate was not only not my physical type, but also too religious for me. Especially when I am raising a baby, time spent out of the house and on-dates comes at a premium, and I must choose wisely.

Of course once my mother heard that my father had had access to my dating profile and matches, she insisted that she get a look as well, and in a not so subtle way told me that she thought this man was perfect: "He's a Cohen, just like your sister's husband!" "What a sweet smile he has, he reminds me of the way Daddy looked when I first met him." etc My mother also seemed distressed when she read the fine details within my descriptions, where I answered the question of "Keeps Kosher" by choosing the option of "Always at Home, will eat dairy in non-kosher restaurants."

An inquisition ensued, in which I had to explain that when I travel in Europe and I need to eat I will seek out vegetarian restaurants and order a piece of salmon, or a salad. Having bought an open-ended ticket on the Lobotomized Religion Train, my mother is now worried that I have lost my way, and will perhaps be an embarrassment to her in the local and family competition of who can call the Rabbi the most in one day.

Then to top it all off, I informed my mother that I would be meeting today with an old friend/boy friend from high school, with whom I still communicate even though it has been 20 years and we both have families of our own. My mother got that look on her face again, and asked, "Doesn't his wife mind that you are meeting with him?"

To which I replied "Why should she?" We are not having an affair, we are two friends getting together, and should a new line of questioning develop regarding our so-called relationship, I will avoid it until I am on the plane on Thursday morning.

This is why I live in Israel.