Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Reframing Old Traumas

Story One: My mother told me that for each of her five pregnancies, she lost one tooth.

Story Two: At the age of four, my mother and I were in a car accident that should have killed us both. My mother swears that at the time of impact, she heard the voice of my great-grandfather (who had died two days earlier), assuring her that we would be safe. Several other times in my life as an adult, I have been involved in near death experiences, and felt the security of his continuing protection.

As per the advice of the pregnancy books, I saw my dentist today for a pre-birth tooth cleaning. As the books predict, there was lots of bleeding from the gums, but I am determined to not lose a tooth just because my mother did. At the conclusion of the visit, my dentist recommended that I return for another check-up in approximately four months, and I replied that it is most likely that I will be busy, either in labor itself, or taking care of a new baby.

On the way home, I drove past the spot where I was almost killed by a Palestinian sniper, on February 18, 2001. While I thought I had fully processed the experience, somehow realizing that here I stand, eight years later, about to become a mother to a G-d willing beautiful baby girl, and it overwhelmed me. I feel like I am living a miracle. I began to cry (not so great when you are driving), and asked my grandmother - a truly loving and positive force in my life until her death seven years ago - to watch over my child as her father watches over me. I cannot think of a better Guardian Angel.

Damn hormones.

Then I went to the baby store sale and bought a carrying sling, a breast feeding pillow, and some educational/early development toys. Still doing research on the big ticket items.

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