Friday, May 1, 2009

Open Mouth, Insert Foot

I decided that the time had arrived to tell my two aunts, my mother's sisters, that I was expecting, as growing up, I had been particularly close to them and their children.

More afraid of telling "D", because lives squarely in that Jewish Orthodox (lobotomized) life, she was immediately enthusiastic and supportive; and her two sons, both Orthodox Rabbis, felt that single parenting in 21rst century was a halachic non-issue, no biggie.

My aunt "H" on the other hand, has shattered every expectation. Unfortunately, for all her supposed open-mindedness, liberal views of the world, and intelligence, she has managed to get it all wrong. This is the email she sent out to her three boys, informing them of my news, with my own commentary attached:

"So, one of your cousins is pregnant..."

Oooh the suspense, who could it be? Let's make this a dramatic moment in the Keller family history. Everyone hold your breath now...

"She has been trying to get pregnant for a while now (artificial insemination, of course!)"

I either take that to mean that I should not be misconstrued as a slut who got knocked up; or that it means that "of course!" no man would want to be in a relationship with me or have a child with me, so "of course!" I had to go the sterile medical route.

"and she is due around Yom Kippur time."

"While this is quite uncommon and unacceptable in American Jewish Orthodox circles,"


Nuh-uh. I have a blessing from the Chief Rabbi of the RCA, the Orthodox Union in America.

"apparently it is very popular in Israel."

What's in This Spring? Pastels, and Single Mothers. Get it while it's hot! And since when has my iconoclastic aunt become the aurthority on traditional Orthodox Judaism, since when does she care what the mainstream thinks?

"Because so many Israeli men die in the army, there is apparently an excess of single women!"

How did she pull that erroneous and bogus explanation out of her ass? I am trying to imagine the scene in modern-day Israel, a bunch of Amazonian type women wandering the cities with their children in tow, foraging for daily existence and capturing the few men they can find in order to mate.

I never asked her, nor is it appropriate for my aunt to justify my choices; I have chastised my parents when they have attempted the same offensive maneuver. If H even felt the need, she could have come up the truest, most respectful and simple sentence: "She would love to be married but has not yet found the right person, and she did not want to miss out on the experience of being a mother."

It is times like these when I am ever so grateful that I live in Israel, 6,000 miles away from the meddling and negative influence of my family.

2 comments:

David Staum said...

I think it's less about how "open minded" one claims to be and how frum people are, and more about how conscious of community standards they are and how worried they are about fitting in. It sounds like though aunt #1 may be more on the frummer side, she's independent minded enough to have her own opinions, while aunt #2, though ostensibly more modern, is looking over her shoulder worrying what people will think.

Doc said...

Unfortunately that is the SOP of most members of my family, much more concerned about external judgement than being true to ones-self. It is a bad habit that I have tried to avoid.