We're Everywhere...

It is an odd phenomenon, once I became pregnant, it seemed that pregnant women appeared everywhere, on the streets where I do my daily errands and on television programs. Every time a character in a movie or program acts conflicted or has been throwing up, I say (speaking to the other clueless characters in the show), "Can't you figure it out, she's pregnant!" And lo and behold, I am correct.

In my real life, I have had two encounters recently, both of which leave me concerned. First, I received a phone call from an acquaintance, a woman who knows that I have gone through the fertility process and Hadassah Hospital and for a long time, has considered doing so herself. There was an urgency to her phone call, she basically wanted me to tell her that it was OK for a single religious women in Jerusalem to bring a child into the world. She wanted me to tell her that the sperm bank was professional and reliable, that not necessarily having a male figure in the home would cause no harm to the social and emotional development of the child. She spoke of her ticking biological clock, and then said that perhaps she would get herself pregnant, and hope she wanted the baby by the time he/she was born.

I told this woman in no uncertain terms that she must fully understand the lifelong responsibility that a child represents, before she "gets herself pregnant." No one else can make that decision for her.

I explained to her that I thought about this for two years, and did thorough research in the financial and emotional realms before committing 100% to becoming a single mother. I confided in her that while I have real fears regarding being a single parent, I am not counting on there being a husband and father in our lives, and yet, I continue to enjoy every day of this pregnancy.

The next day, I saw a posting on a public Jerusalem Anglo-Saxon site from a woman named Miriam: "I am a single religious woman in my mid-40's who has not yet found her bashert. The doctors screwed up [Author's note: Highly unlikely], and the social workers have found me unfit to adopt a child. I am looking for a healthy sperm donor, aged 18-30, a man to have no involvement with me or the child once the donation is made; I will pay you 400 NIS and if it works out, I will send you other customers."

Although I normally do not bother to respond to postings I find idiotic, I found this entry terrifying. I immediately wrote back to her regarding the dangers of taking on an unknown donor, both in the short term and the long term. She will have no assurances of this man's health, nor will she have any legal protection in the future. Furthermore, if she was found unfit to adopt, I suggested that she undergo psychological counselling before involving an innocent child.

As a doctor, I find it hard enough to see completely dysfunctional couples have children whom they ruin, children who live in an environment filled with unhealthy tension rather than love; and yet, their situation is far more acceptable because they represent a traditional family situation. We need a license to drive a car, to work in our profession, and to get married, while anyone can conceive a child. There should be a test for the most amazing, most difficult and most important job on the planet.