Monday, October 6, 2008

Return of an Old Enemy

On Sunday I literally vomited from the morning and through the night, and while a small part of me hoped that this was hell's version of morning sickness, it felt too much like the PMS I used to have as a teenager.

On Monday I was doubled over with pain, like a knife sticking into my stomach, a pain so bad I could not work.

This morning I got my period, and instead of being kind and loving to myself, I find myself being sad and quite angry at my body. And angry at the Universe for deciding that I do not deserve to have love in my life from a husband, nor do I deserve a child.

In this same morning, I was so distracted with my anger that I neglected to notice an open door on the porch, and walked into a pane of glass. Better than any soft break I ever did in karate. And the washing machine broke, and the hot water boiler needs to be replaced.

Hell of a way to go into Yom Kippur.


Myanonymous said...

Not trying to get your hopes up, but it might be implantation bleeding. ( My wife had that and thought it was her period. Turned out she was pregnant.

Doc said...

I would love to think that is true, bless you for your encouragement and optomism. I have an appointment with the doctors this Sunday, and one of the tests (among many) will be a blood test for beta hCg.