Thursday, April 19, 2012

The Downside of Therapy

Today I had the second appointment with the Parenting Consultant, because as a mother (and not just as a single parent) I believe that it could only help myself and Raphaela if I had an objective voice to help me asses certain decisions for my daughter - like Gan for next year - and to give me more tools to deal with the Terrible Twos.

I understand the rationale, the more you know about the mother and her childhood, the more you understand the origin of her choices and coping mechanisms.  I understand that the consultant comes from a background as a therapist, and that she approaches her clients with the traditional Freudian "Tell me about your mother..."

But after today, I remember why I put my therapy on hold several years ago:  put simply, I need help to create a plan in which I take care of my daughter without sacrificing my own identity and sanity.  I need practical information on how to diffuse the occasional tantrum, how to encourage Raphaela to explore and grow while setting important boundaries.

I do NOT need to rehash every excruciating detail of my difficult childhood.  I do NOT need a virtual stranger to make comments which make me feel like an incompetent mother and a terrible human being who deserves to be alone.  I most certainly do not want this woman to rip open many old and painful wounds, and then cut me off by saying, "I'm sorry, our time is up for today."

I spent the rest of the day 'processing' our session, and quite frankly, feeling like s**t about myself, not wanting contact with other human beings.  Before our next meeting, I am going to make it clear to the Parenting Consultant that while I appreciate her approach, it is not working for me, and it is not fulfilling the purpose I intended.  I would like to continue to work with her somewhere in the middle, somewhere between trauma and light conversation.

1 comment:

Commenter Abbi said...

Whoa, she does not sound the right kind of consultant for you. There are plenty of practical "tachlis" parenting consultants and even therapists who doesn't start with "Tell me about your mother".

To give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she was just trying to get the context for your own experience of being parented. :( Sorry about that.