Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Sometimes

Sometimes the pressure gets to be too much for a parent, and from what I have been told from my friends, it doesn't matter if you are single or married or divorced.  I find myself recently needing space from Raphaela, trying desperately to remember that I had a life and a separate adult identity before I became a mother.  I find myself having an increadibly short fuse, and reacting in a way that afterwards, I feel guilty because I feel like I have hurt my daughter emotionally.  Today, out of guilt, I bought her a small present when I went grocery shopping, knowing that it is not a material gift that she needs, but rather a mother who is soft and loving and patient.

When I find myself in this state of mind, I have less of a desire to share my feelings, on my blog for certain and with others in person, because I feel quite fragile and don't know if I could handle "constructive advice."  My greatest fear is that I revert to the person I was in high school, introverted and closed and so afraid to get hurt that I shut off my mind and my heart and put a wall around it.

7 comments:

Midlife Singlemum said...

These feeling come and go, to greater and lesser degrees, to everyone. This too will pass.

Commenter Abbi said...

I'm sorry to offer constructive advice when you're not ready to hear it (I hope you are reading this when you are ready to hear it). Babysitting. It's the answer. Have a standing babysitter one night a week so you can get out, on your own, with friends or on a date. It's the only way to keep your sanity.

And I agree, the pressure happens whether you are married or single. I feel it often, with four kids and a husband who travels a lot.

Amy Charles said...

It gets better. It really, really does. But not for a while, which is why Abbi is right. You need to have one night a week to yourself, and ideally, you can also choose to stay home while a sitter takes RR somewhere.

If anyone asks you what you want for a gift, for any occasion: Babysitting. A break.

I don't know if this is done in Israel, but a younger girl, like a mother's helper, can also give you some relief without making you broke.

It does get better.

Doc said...

It comes in fits and stages. Great moments followed by great frustration.

Doc said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Commenter Abbi said...

I've recently found a wonderful babysitter who comes to my house in the mornings to help me with my baby. It's like a lifeline. She's older, she doesn't have young kids of her own, she WANTS to babysit, she's very loving and caring and it's just a huge weight off me to have that help available and know that my daughter is in loving, capable hands while I can get other things done.

I just want to add, you shouldn't feel like you don't "deserve" a night babysitter because you daughter is in gan during the day. It's not the same at all, you work during the day, you need a break at night, just for yourself.

Ariela said...

We all have these feelings. By definition, you are the best possible mom RR could have. No need to feel guilty - doesn't do anything for you.
The babysitter idea is a good one. Little girls (9-11 y/old) LOVE toddlers. Do you have any you can invite over to play with RR? If you pay them a pitance they are overjoyed and you might be helping their moms as well.