The official results of the blood test are in, and even though I was somewhat prepared for the negative answer, hearing it was sad for me, and it made it even harder to pretend at work that everything was cool, and that sniffling was my allergies. I will grieve this very short pregnancy, does it count if it was under two weeks? And once Pessach is over, I will try again.
Meanwhile I am putting a re-frame on this situation (to quote my life coach): now that I am not pregnant for the next month, I can freely imbibe alcohol and coffee, eat sushi, and sit in the sauna. I can take Lorastine for my allergies rather than sneezing myself through the day. I can even get laid for real, lose my virginity and possibly get pregnant the non-Hadassah way.
For tonight, I am shutting off my phones and opening up that bottle of wine that has been tempting me for the last three weeks. Tomorrow I will deal with people.
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