Thoughts on Tisha B'Av

It all started when my mother asked me if I would be fasting today, on Tisha B'Av. My sister, who is due to give birth in one month, will apparently be drinking today, so as not to endanger her fetus, given that the East Coast is recording even higher temperatures than Jerusalem.

I had decided that because I am still nursing, I would drink just enough water to not harm my milk supply. I have never been that much into food for the sake of food anyway, so the eating part of the fast does not concern me.

This morning, when I woke up, for some reason I started thinking about the fact that my milk supply has diminished as Raphaela eats more and more "real food" meals, and spends much of the day outside the house at the care taker. I enjoy the intimacy of breast feeding, and will be sad when Raphaela is fully weaned, even though it represents an amazing step in her independence as a human being.

I continued thinking that since Raphaela's birth, I have not resumed a normal menstruation cycle; which would seem reasonable given that I am still nursing. That thought process led to concerns that maybe my cycle has been knocked out of sync permanently, and that my fertility would need a kick start when/if I get married and want to have more children.

Then I started thinking about how much Raphaela grows and accomplishes each day, and how I would love to have a sibling for Raphaela, though at the moment it hardly feels practical.

I am not sure if babies and fertility encompass appropriate themes for the fast day, but every new Jewish soul strengthens the nation as a whole. In any case, I plan on calling my GP tomorrow to set up some blood tests, just to see where my body is holding.