The Dating Disclosure Dilemna

A matchmaker called me this week, I had not spoken to this woman in several years. She asked if I was available, and I said "yes," neglecting to inform her that I was pregnant. She suggested a forty-something divorced man with two children, whom she supposedly knows personally; I gave her permission to give him my cell phone number.

The first time he called, it was past 11 pm and I was sleeping at the time. The second time he called, it was the night of Yom HaShoah (Holocaust Rememberence Day), in the middle of the national ceremony, and I implied that I felt it inappropriate to socialize when the country was mourning six million dead Jews. The third time he called, he wanted to get together for a date on Yom Hazikaron, the national day of mourning in Israel for its dead soldiers.

We have tentatively set up to meet for breakfast this coming Monday, before Yom Hazikaron. I already have some doubts regarding his common sense.

Afterwards, I thought about the fact that this man (and the matchmaker) do not know that I am pregnant, and that this could be an important point of information. When I mentioned this to my mother in passing, she initially snarled at me for even considering not dating while pregnant, and then advised me to date this man until he was "addicted" to me, and then to casually inform him that I came as a package deal.

This approach strikes me as totally inappropriate in its dishonesty, and it only reflects my mother's continuing desperation to see me married, even if it means I am miserable or the pairing was obtained through deception. The Big Lie is the one thing I do not abide, both in my own behaviour and from my friends; why would I want to poison a relationship that way?

When I became pregnant, I held no illusions regarding my dating life for the next nine months. A woman with a child is quite a different story than a woman growing a baby inside her, regardless of the fact that I can still look skinny in a pair of jeans.

My father felt that I should meet this man in person, and asses whether I even want to spend time with him, and then decide regarding the timing or more so, the need, to mention the baby. My brother - who at the moment is trying to set up a friend of his, a highly functioning deaf person - believes that this child represents an integral part of me, my choices and my future, and that it should not be hidden. I could not agree more.

My friend (AS), one of the few single male friends I have left, felt so strongly that he wanted me to cancel the date altogether. That if he were in that position, he would want to know that his potential blind date was with child.

I plan to meet this man for coffee, rather than break the news over the phone before hand. To me, it is the most honest and respectful way to handle this situation.