Philosophical Crossroads

An article in Haaretz last week highlighted a new genre of children's Hebrew literature for "non-conventional families."  With titles like "Little Treasure" (about a jsmbc), "Families, Families, At Least a Million," "Bentsi the Colorful" and "The Cow that Laid an Egg" (about surrogate pregnancies), the market is exploding.

Each night, I read Raphaela an edited version of the English book "Our Story," written by the Donor Conception Network.  (She is a little young to learn about sperm and eggs and insemination at this point.) I have seen these Hebrew books and for Raphaela at this stage, I feel that they are too wordy and overly complicated.  Utilizing the KISS principle, Raphaela needs to know that there are many different kinds of families, that she was wanted from the very beginning, and that she stands on equal footing as any other child.

This past week I received several email invitations for a "Single Mummies Group" here in Jerusalem. I did not attend because it was one of those days that Raphaela refused to nap at all, and she generally collapses and goes to sleep earlier than usual in this (repeating) situation.  I have no problem meeting new people and making new friends, single or otherwise. 

But it also made me recall a conversation I had with a JSMBC, one of the first to do so in Jerusalem close to nine years ago.  She told me that at a certain point she stopped going to these single mother specific events, because her son was so comfortable with himself and the facts of his conception, and it was counter-productive to remind him that he was different than other children.

This idea was reinforced to me when one of the women who invited me said the following:  "This group is important to me because then my son can be around other kids just like him, and not feel like a Freak."

I know that Raphaela will have questions about her conception and her biological father, but I hope that she never feel any less for it.  At the age of five, when my mother divorced my biological father, the phenomenon of divorce was rare if almost non-existant, and people in our Jewish community made me feel like a so-called 'Freak.'  Today the divorce rate among families stands close to 60% unfortunately, and most every child lives a non-conventional life.

I anticipate that by the time Raphaela starts school, there will be at least three or four other children just like her in her class, and the Single Mom by Choice will represent one of many family options.