I was supposed to go to the Hospital early this morning to take a blood test, to check my levels of Progesterone. Why? Because the level might say that you might be pregnant. Why? Because that is the procedure (arms folded in stubborn indignation).
I looked at the time, felt exhausted and asked myself why there was any reason to possibly boost my hopes when I could wait one more week, take the official betaHcG pregnancy test, and know for certain. I agreed with myself and turned over and slept for two more hours, and then went to the pool.
A morning well spent.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
Does Doctor Know Best? (Round Six)
15/9/08 (Monday): After a much more successful attempt this past round, a huge mountain of stress ended that pregnancy and even brought my period on early. I met today with my doctor at Hadassah and we spoke and consulted for over a half hour, and decided to give it one more try before the Jewish holidays begin.
A friend and colleague of mine, a woman who happens to be an extremely dedicated and knowledgeable Women's Health specialist, is convinced that the reason the pregnancies are not working is because I have an undiagnosed case of PCOS. She is like a dog with a bone, and I will be getting the damned insulin tolerance test despite the fact that the doctors at Hadassah had considered and disregarded that possibility.
18/9/08 (Thursday): Blood tests and ultra-sound at Hadassah Hospital, onward with the plan of 100 cc of Puregon injections for the next several days. They seem to be ignoring the small cysts they saw on the ultra-sound, apparently it is not getting in the way of their projections.
19/9/08 (Friday): Massive fight with my mother because my aunt opened her very large mouth and told my mother that I was trying to get pregnant and didn't want to tell her. All the stress and drama that I was hoping to avoid, right at my doorstep.
21/9/08 (Sunday): Blood tests and ultra-sound, looks like the goal of an IUI on Tuesday has been pushed forward a few days, due to the fact that my follicles aren't quite as large as we would all like. Time again to rearrange my work schedule for the week. I also have an appointment this week with my GP, to try to setting the PCOS question once and for all.
22/9/08 (Monday): My GP believes that I have had enough invasive testing for the moment, that there is no real indicator to presume PCOS, and that the hormones with which I am injecting myself should plow through anything going on down there. Also had a session of fertility acupuncture today, in anticipation of the IUI later this week.
23/9/08 (Tuesday): The acupuncture worked like a charm, while I had three small follicles on Sunday, I now have 5 small to medium follicles. Because of the timing of the Jewish holidays, the schedule should proceed for Thursday, with another session of acupuncture and mega hormones in the next 36 hours.
A friend and colleague of mine, a woman who happens to be an extremely dedicated and knowledgeable Women's Health specialist, is convinced that the reason the pregnancies are not working is because I have an undiagnosed case of PCOS. She is like a dog with a bone, and I will be getting the damned insulin tolerance test despite the fact that the doctors at Hadassah had considered and disregarded that possibility.
16/9/08 (Tuesday): I got a call this morning from Rut, the woman in charge of the Sperm Bank. Normally a serious individual, she had called to see how I was doing, to encourage me and to let me know that the new choice of donor was "something special," in her estimation. I felt wonderful to see the more human side of her, and I can only appreciate more the work she does for all women who come to her with hope and disappointment.
18/9/08 (Thursday): Blood tests and ultra-sound at Hadassah Hospital, onward with the plan of 100 cc of Puregon injections for the next several days. They seem to be ignoring the small cysts they saw on the ultra-sound, apparently it is not getting in the way of their projections.
19/9/08 (Friday): Massive fight with my mother because my aunt opened her very large mouth and told my mother that I was trying to get pregnant and didn't want to tell her. All the stress and drama that I was hoping to avoid, right at my doorstep.
21/9/08 (Sunday): Blood tests and ultra-sound, looks like the goal of an IUI on Tuesday has been pushed forward a few days, due to the fact that my follicles aren't quite as large as we would all like. Time again to rearrange my work schedule for the week. I also have an appointment this week with my GP, to try to setting the PCOS question once and for all.
22/9/08 (Monday): My GP believes that I have had enough invasive testing for the moment, that there is no real indicator to presume PCOS, and that the hormones with which I am injecting myself should plow through anything going on down there. Also had a session of fertility acupuncture today, in anticipation of the IUI later this week.
23/9/08 (Tuesday): The acupuncture worked like a charm, while I had three small follicles on Sunday, I now have 5 small to medium follicles. Because of the timing of the Jewish holidays, the schedule should proceed for Thursday, with another session of acupuncture and mega hormones in the next 36 hours.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Veteran of the System (Round 5)
Saturday night, August 23 (Day 5): Started injecting myself with hormones, I seem to be getting better at it with each round.
Monday, August 25 (Day 7): Hadassah hospital for Ultrasound and blood tests. I got there so early and the regular crowd had not arrived yet, and so I was able to leave before eight am, it was a pleasure. The nurse also allowed me to fill out a bunch of forms in advance, practically giving me free reign within the office; in recognition both of my status as somewhat of a veteran of the process, and my status as a medical professional.
I also started reading serious parenting books from two role models in the world of children and psychology: Dr. Phil and Mister Rogers. Understanding the entusiasm and love these two men have for their calling, that of raising the happiest children possible, I cannot help but get excited as well.
Tuesday, August 26 (Day 8): In addition to the normal injections and vitamins, I received an accupuncture treatment from a woman who specializes in cases of fertility, and has apparently helped many women overcome the disappointment of failed pregnancies.
Thursday, August 28 (Day 10): While waiting today for blood tests I spoke to one of the "regulars" and we started comparing the common experience of anticipation and dissapointment every cycle. I suggested to her that we speak on a regular basis, when we need to, to be each other's support system. As we started talking about our families reaction to our choice, turned out we had a lot in common: she comes from a religious Sephardic family and they, like my own parents, are having a very hard time dealing with the possibility that thier daughter will conceive a child without a proper husband. They called her decision to enter into IUI selfish. (In contrast, my parents have not called me anything, as they refuse to discuss it...)
After the ultra-sound, the technicial asked me if I was still spotting, as there had been blood when she was checking for follicles. Concerned, I asked the doctors what the blood meant, and he answered that the tech probably scratched some other biological part along the way. Meanwhile, the IUI is scheduled for next Monday.
I went to a BBQ tonight to help a friend celebrate 16 years of living in Israel. There was great wine there, and I abstained - something about alcohol elevating the temperature in the liver, according to the accupuncturist - and I could not help but wonder how the other single men and women who were there would treat me if I had showed up to the party with a belly and sans husband. I would like to think that at least some of the women, who themselves want to be married and have children, would respect the choice.
Some people take on a mortage, I am taking on parenthood.
Monday, August 25 (Day 7): Hadassah hospital for Ultrasound and blood tests. I got there so early and the regular crowd had not arrived yet, and so I was able to leave before eight am, it was a pleasure. The nurse also allowed me to fill out a bunch of forms in advance, practically giving me free reign within the office; in recognition both of my status as somewhat of a veteran of the process, and my status as a medical professional.
I also started reading serious parenting books from two role models in the world of children and psychology: Dr. Phil and Mister Rogers. Understanding the entusiasm and love these two men have for their calling, that of raising the happiest children possible, I cannot help but get excited as well.
Tuesday, August 26 (Day 8): In addition to the normal injections and vitamins, I received an accupuncture treatment from a woman who specializes in cases of fertility, and has apparently helped many women overcome the disappointment of failed pregnancies.
Thursday, August 28 (Day 10): While waiting today for blood tests I spoke to one of the "regulars" and we started comparing the common experience of anticipation and dissapointment every cycle. I suggested to her that we speak on a regular basis, when we need to, to be each other's support system. As we started talking about our families reaction to our choice, turned out we had a lot in common: she comes from a religious Sephardic family and they, like my own parents, are having a very hard time dealing with the possibility that thier daughter will conceive a child without a proper husband. They called her decision to enter into IUI selfish. (In contrast, my parents have not called me anything, as they refuse to discuss it...)
After the ultra-sound, the technicial asked me if I was still spotting, as there had been blood when she was checking for follicles. Concerned, I asked the doctors what the blood meant, and he answered that the tech probably scratched some other biological part along the way. Meanwhile, the IUI is scheduled for next Monday.
I went to a BBQ tonight to help a friend celebrate 16 years of living in Israel. There was great wine there, and I abstained - something about alcohol elevating the temperature in the liver, according to the accupuncturist - and I could not help but wonder how the other single men and women who were there would treat me if I had showed up to the party with a belly and sans husband. I would like to think that at least some of the women, who themselves want to be married and have children, would respect the choice.
Some people take on a mortage, I am taking on parenthood.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Standing Up for Myself
It is Day 31 since I last had my period and my fertility route was put on hold, because my body reacted to the increase in hormone dosage by developing cysts.
No real sign of my period, except for a bit of PMS in the form of stomach cramping and diarrhea this morning, which also could have been from too much dairy eaten last night.
I went to Hadassah Hospital this morning, the ultra-sound examination was cyst-free (yay!) with a thick uterine opening. The nurse implied that my period is on the way.
I was actually proud of myself for standing up to the nurses. They had given me instructions - without properly reading my file updates - to prepare for a natural IUI, and I immediately challenged it. After one nurse was appalled that I would question her authority, she passed me along to another nurse in the office. I explained that if they checked my records, I had done three natural IUI treatments with no success, and thus, the doctor had put me on the hormone-assisted IUI path; there is no sense in continuing to do something that has not worked in the past. The second nurse humored me, and said she would confer with the doctor again.
One hour later, she called me back and admitted I was right, and told me to prepare for Puregon injections on Day 5. After not insisting hard enough in the beginning of July that I needed a break, I am now taking my body and my inner voice much more seriously.
Now all I need to do is get my stress levels under control, so that it does not interfere with this process.
No real sign of my period, except for a bit of PMS in the form of stomach cramping and diarrhea this morning, which also could have been from too much dairy eaten last night.
I went to Hadassah Hospital this morning, the ultra-sound examination was cyst-free (yay!) with a thick uterine opening. The nurse implied that my period is on the way.
I was actually proud of myself for standing up to the nurses. They had given me instructions - without properly reading my file updates - to prepare for a natural IUI, and I immediately challenged it. After one nurse was appalled that I would question her authority, she passed me along to another nurse in the office. I explained that if they checked my records, I had done three natural IUI treatments with no success, and thus, the doctor had put me on the hormone-assisted IUI path; there is no sense in continuing to do something that has not worked in the past. The second nurse humored me, and said she would confer with the doctor again.
One hour later, she called me back and admitted I was right, and told me to prepare for Puregon injections on Day 5. After not insisting hard enough in the beginning of July that I needed a break, I am now taking my body and my inner voice much more seriously.
Now all I need to do is get my stress levels under control, so that it does not interfere with this process.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
No Clear Answers
Yesterday, when I started the blood test/US route early, it was unclear if I had already gotten my period, though it was clear that my betahCG was zero, not pregnant. Yesterday it was also unclear if I would be able to start the injection regimen this month, because I had already started the follicular stage, and my uterus was juicy.
26/6/08: 11th year anniversary of moving to Israel. Blood tests and ultrasound show increased follicular development and an even juicier uterus. The nurse asked me if I had started real bleeding for a period, I have not, and so we are all unclear on the path this month will take. I still find myself wondering if I should take a break for a month, for sanity's sake.
28/6/08: Mystery solved, a "real" period started this morning. I will go to Hadassah tomorrow and ask if I should now be monitored along the regular procedure, and if they will want me to start injecting myself with hormones on Day 5.
29/6/08: Blood tests and ultrasound at Hadassah Hospital, my body is back on track according to the results. Yelena and her husband tell me that they are pregnant, I couldn't be happier for them.
2/7/08: Blood tests and ultrasound, specifically to determine if I should start taking hormones this evening. And if I cannot, I have been told to continue the natural route, because I don't want to "miss a month." Or at least they don't want me to miss a month "at my age."
3/7/08: Started injecting myself last night, a relatively low dose of 75 cc of hormones. This dosage stands for four days, until my next set of blood tests.
6/7/08: Blood tests and ultrasound, follicles are growing nicely apparently, but I don't know yet if I will have to increase the dosage of the hormones.
8/7/08: Blood tests and ultrasound, Ovitrelle in the afternoon, IUI tomorrow.
26/6/08: 11th year anniversary of moving to Israel. Blood tests and ultrasound show increased follicular development and an even juicier uterus. The nurse asked me if I had started real bleeding for a period, I have not, and so we are all unclear on the path this month will take. I still find myself wondering if I should take a break for a month, for sanity's sake.
28/6/08: Mystery solved, a "real" period started this morning. I will go to Hadassah tomorrow and ask if I should now be monitored along the regular procedure, and if they will want me to start injecting myself with hormones on Day 5.
29/6/08: Blood tests and ultrasound at Hadassah Hospital, my body is back on track according to the results. Yelena and her husband tell me that they are pregnant, I couldn't be happier for them.
2/7/08: Blood tests and ultrasound, specifically to determine if I should start taking hormones this evening. And if I cannot, I have been told to continue the natural route, because I don't want to "miss a month." Or at least they don't want me to miss a month "at my age."
3/7/08: Started injecting myself last night, a relatively low dose of 75 cc of hormones. This dosage stands for four days, until my next set of blood tests.
6/7/08: Blood tests and ultrasound, follicles are growing nicely apparently, but I don't know yet if I will have to increase the dosage of the hormones.
8/7/08: Blood tests and ultrasound, Ovitrelle in the afternoon, IUI tomorrow.
Graduation to the Next Level
Three tries, and three times that I became pregnant but did not remain so, like 95% of "natural miscarriages" that occur with women in nature. I met with the doctor today at Hadassah Hospital, and we came up with a new plan, one that involves more aggressive hormones.
When I asked him about his theory as to why the pregnancy is not sticking, he said, "Better not to speculate." That was right before he reminded me that I am turning 40 in less than a month, and I started crying.
Quite frankly, yesterday when I started spotting - despite using Progesterone to lengthen my cycle - I was ready not only to give up on becoming pregnant, but also ready to leave Israel. After 11 years of living here, and almost 40 years old, I never imagined that I would be quite so alone. What makes it worse is that many of my friends who claimed they would "be there" and support me when things got tough, they have all started avoiding me, not returning my phone calls.
Apparently my choice makes them uncomfortable, and it is unfortunate that they cannot get past it and help me. I must get used to this idea, because at the end of the day, I will be getting up at four in the morning to breast feed, I will be taking my child to nursery. It is my life that will change.
When I asked him about his theory as to why the pregnancy is not sticking, he said, "Better not to speculate." That was right before he reminded me that I am turning 40 in less than a month, and I started crying.
Quite frankly, yesterday when I started spotting - despite using Progesterone to lengthen my cycle - I was ready not only to give up on becoming pregnant, but also ready to leave Israel. After 11 years of living here, and almost 40 years old, I never imagined that I would be quite so alone. What makes it worse is that many of my friends who claimed they would "be there" and support me when things got tough, they have all started avoiding me, not returning my phone calls.
Apparently my choice makes them uncomfortable, and it is unfortunate that they cannot get past it and help me. I must get used to this idea, because at the end of the day, I will be getting up at four in the morning to breast feed, I will be taking my child to nursery. It is my life that will change.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Thinking Positive
Even as I was getting my period, there were well-meaning people telling me to "think positive," that if I thought I was pregnant, I would be pregnant. Biology does not work that way, and as much credit as I give to the power of my mind, I was going to get my period.
Not giving up on the traditional medical fertility route, I have added in the guidance of a Chinese homeopath, who agrees with me that my primary issue is a shortened Luteal cycle; my Progesterone levels run out before the fertilized egg can implant.
Now I take folic acid, and herbs, and hopefully together it will give me the edge I need to keep this next pregnancy. I don't want to go into a round of hyper-hormones.
6/5/08: Blood tests and Ultrasound at Hadassah Hospital, on day 7 of this cycle. I have two "good looking" follicles on the right side.
8/5/08: Blood tests and Ultrasound at Hadassah Hospital, some lousy service because the Jewish holiday of Shavuot starts tonight, and thus they are understaffed.
10/5/08: Blood tests and Ultrasound, the technician arrives an hour late and the waiting list grows to 35 women. I get the OK for IUI tomorrow, and don't need to inject myself tonight, as I seem to have had "spontaneous ovulation."
During this cycle, after the IUI, I will be taking natural Progesterone ("Ultrogestan") in order to extend my Luteal phase, and hopefully allow for successful implantation.
Not giving up on the traditional medical fertility route, I have added in the guidance of a Chinese homeopath, who agrees with me that my primary issue is a shortened Luteal cycle; my Progesterone levels run out before the fertilized egg can implant.
Now I take folic acid, and herbs, and hopefully together it will give me the edge I need to keep this next pregnancy. I don't want to go into a round of hyper-hormones.
6/5/08: Blood tests and Ultrasound at Hadassah Hospital, on day 7 of this cycle. I have two "good looking" follicles on the right side.
8/5/08: Blood tests and Ultrasound at Hadassah Hospital, some lousy service because the Jewish holiday of Shavuot starts tonight, and thus they are understaffed.
10/5/08: Blood tests and Ultrasound, the technician arrives an hour late and the waiting list grows to 35 women. I get the OK for IUI tomorrow, and don't need to inject myself tonight, as I seem to have had "spontaneous ovulation."
During this cycle, after the IUI, I will be taking natural Progesterone ("Ultrogestan") in order to extend my Luteal phase, and hopefully allow for successful implantation.
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