New Gan II

Headline, front page, this morning's Israeli papers (27/8/13)

GOOD LUCK!
The 2013-14 school year opens today:  2,129,562 children and youth start nursery and elementary school today
The Minister of Education says, "Today is a holiday, excitement is in the air."
The next vacation? Next Week [Rosh HaShanah]

==================================================================

For the past several days, Raphaela has been sleeping with her new back pack and water bottle, bought specially for the start of the new school year.  Last night she got ten hours of sleep, while I could not fall asleep until almost midnight because of nervous excitement. 

Raphaela's first day at the new Gan began with the security guard at the gate (Benni) handing each child a heart-shaped chocolate. Only in Israel...

Her class has 34 children, and she is one of the older children, one of the "first birthday parties of the year."  At least half of her classmates are bilingual Hebrew/English, and have at least one native English-speaking parent.

Three of her classmates from this past year join her, as well as two children from the Montessori Gan, which Raphaela attended for two years.  As well, three other children she knows will attend the afternoon English program.

The class room is bright and airy, and we spent the morning sampling the toys books and puzzles in every corner. I will admit that I had a few emotional moments, realizing that Raphaela has matured so much in the last year, and that today represents a milestone for both of us.

Raphaela has one energetic head teacher and two assistant teachers.  Normally there would be only one assistant nursery teacher, but because there are at least two children who have food sensitivities and allergies, they assigned a separate medically trained assistant teacher to the classroom.  It is the responsibility of the individual families, the Jerusalem Municipality and the nursery staff to make sure that no one goes into anaphylactic shock.

Given the recent push by the Ministry of Health for all children under the age of nine to receive the Oral Polio Vaccine, we explored the bathroom and I reminded Raphaela to be sure to wash her hands. It's natural, children in nursery will expose each other, and the more hygienic the safer.

The children participated beautifully in their first morning meeting, and the parents seems lovely as well.  We have already begun to organize a time-saving and aggravation- avoiding program:  to arrange for a healthy breakfast to be provided at the nursery and by the nursery, rather than having to pack a bag full of snacks each morning.

Indeed, today is a day of celebration for mothers and fathers (who briefly get their lives back, before the Jewish holidays) and for the kids, who get to meet a new group of friends and experience the routine they crave.

Night and Day

This morning after dropping off Raphaela at Gan, another mother approached me, a parent of one of the "doctors" from yesterday's incident.  She could barely look me in the eye and explained that she had had a long talk with her son, that she understood from him that the game had been done in the spirit of innocence and with consent from all the kids involved.  She apologized profusely, and I told her while I was quite shocked by the appearance of Raphaela's stomach, I certainly didn't blame her or her child for any sort of uncontrolled or malicious behaviour.

We hugged, and we both agreed that we trusted the management of the nursery school to properly handle the lessons that could be gained from this experience.  The manager told me that they have already conducted an extensive review of the safety of the play space outside, and the Head Teacher will be performing a play with puppets for the children, entitled, "My Private Body."

In my head, I compare my feelings to last year, when I defended my daughter from one of the boys in her previous Gan, a child who all year bullied and tortured his classmates.  At the previous Montessori educational institution, not only did I get blamed and in fact get banned; not only did the manager of the Gan continually ignore my pleas and the concerns of other parents regarding the state of perpetual violence;  the parents of this boy certainly did not apologize, unless you count them threatening to report me (!) to the police.

Night and day...

Close Encounters

For my normal weekly grocery shop I drive to the Industrial Area in Talpiyot (Jerusalem), because it is cheaper overall.  But yesterday we found ourselves at the local overpriced supermarket, picking up a few random food stuffs.  As Raphaela and I canvased the aisles, we encountered her former (negligent ) Nursery Teacher from the Montessori Gan.

The woman broke out in a smile, hugged Raphaela and babbled for about five minutes, "Oh my, how much you've grown, it's amazing! Are you still taking swimming lessons? Do you like this supermarket?" Etc.  Then she extended an odd invitation for Raphaela to come visit her old Gan anytime she likes, that they all miss her so much and would be happy to see the new and improved IE talkative/happier/thriving version of my daughter.

("S" in obvious denial of our negative experience by her hands...)

Raphaela retreated, hugged my leg and quietly asked me, "Who is this woman?"

Schadenfreude

Schadenfreude.

It's a deliciously evil word, one which I use sparingly because of its negative connotations.  But it jumped into my head today, when I heard that the Montessori Gan Raphaela attended in Jerusalem for two years (one year too many) will be closing after this school year, as a result of horrific management and an abysmal business model.  The Gan that belittled and manipulated me as a parent, the Gan that treated my daughter like an invalid, they will no longer to be able to harm other children under their care.  They cannot get staff people to work for them, and they cannot get parents to sign up and pay their exorbitant and undeserved fees.

I'd better stop before I start really enjoying myself. I can only hope that the Head Nursery Teacher, whose personal responsibility it is for the failure of her program, learns something from this.

Karma, yeah, that's another word that popped into my head today.

Social Issues

When I picked up Raphaela from Gan this afternoon, she seemed abnormally quiet and disturbed about something, and it took about ten minutes at home for her to open up to me.  She came over to me and said solemnly, "Thea is not my friend anymore."

[Thea is her best friend this year, a little girl who also speaks both English and Hebrew in the home, and who lives right down the block. Her parents are free-spirits of sorts, and a visit to their apartment is like stepping back into the sixties, where imagination and freedom of expression are encouraged, as well as artistic expressions such as coloring on the walls.]

I asked Raphaela what happened to cause this break in their friendship, and received several versions of the story;  what I understood is that Thea was pulling Raphaela toward a particular game and got too rough.  My daughter, having become over-sensitive to bullying from her previous supposed Montessori Gan, perceived it as unwanted and deliberate violence.

I explained to Raphaela that she needs to tell Thea if play becomes uncomforatble for her, and that I am certain that her friend did not mean to hurt her purposely.

Several minutes later, in a discussion of potential play-dates this week, Thea appeared prominently on the list as a welcome, desired and invited play mate and friend.

I can only hope that these social issues are as easily resolved when Raphaela reaches high school.

Family Matters III

Raphaela's Gan, in honor of Family Day and Israeli Mothers' Day, hosted an event yesterday evening for the mothers of the children of all classes within the school. The program included a festive meal and socializing, a lecture on communicating with toddlers from a child psychologist and a musical interlude.  The lovely and creative manager of the Gan, and all the teachers and moms had the opportunity to get to know each other better, outside the quick and dirty morning drop-off and afternoon pick up, and occasional play date.

The catered quality food came out of the on-site kitchen;  if this tasty and luxurious spread is at all indicative of the meals Raphaela receives every day, I envy her. 

[Note of useless interruption:  the more I see this Gan operate, the dramatic development and growing self-confidence of Raphaela since the beginning of the year, I am kicking myself for not switching her out of that Montessori Nightmare sooner.  She was clearly sidelined there, one of the youngest and made to feel like the mouse in a den of lions, and I feel like a somehow inept parent that I did not see it sooner and act accordingly.  First pancake of the batch, I know, and I still feel lousy.]

The first thing that struck me was the bulletin board in Raphaela's classroom, which had been appropriately festooned in the family theme, to teach the children about relationships and the random names that language assigns to members of our extended tribe.  In the center stood the smiling mother and father, with siblings on one side and grandparents and extended family on the other.  Framing this scene were certain drawings the children of the Gan had made, and a section that highlighted typical loving families, pulled from photos that parents had sent in from their personal albums.

Among the various typical pictures of nuclear Israeli families eg mother father, brother sister and baby playing in the snow, I saw, prominently featured, myself and Raphaela and our cat Harry, laughing together.

It is one thing for a religious institution to make all children and their assorted families feel accepted within the broader system, it is above and beyond to highlight the Jewish single mother by choice, with feline.  I give them credit and I thank them for recognizing all of us as part of the greater community.

Good Advice

This morning while doing pre-Shabbat errands, I bumped into a mother whose child had been at the previous Montessori Gan with Raphaela.  We compared notes, and I mentioned that I had made certain decisions for Raphaela, large and small, that in hindsight were so obviously stupid.  I castigated myself because I hadn't seen what should have been immediately true and obvious.

This woman, a mother of three, comforted me, saying, "Your oldest child is like the first pancake in the batch.  You will make mistakes, you will burn the edges, but you learn from it. I guarantee you that the mistakes you may or may not have made with Raphaela will never be repeated, because now you know better."

Thank you, my friend, thank you.  Shabbat Shalom.

Bonus Time

All year, I have taken Raphaela out of Gan early on Sundays and Thursdays, because I control my own clinic schedule, and because I believe that she is still young enough to need quality time with her mother.  When Raphaela becomes a teenager, it may be another story, she may find me old fashioned and embarrassing, and I want to take advantage of the time I have. 

The End of the Year Party took place this past Friday, and given the recent events at Gan, I felt uncomfortable as the Head Nursery Teacher went from parent to parent.  She told each child how much she loved them and how much they had grown in the past two years.  She ignored my child, and though Raphaela did not know the difference, I found it petty and vindictive. 

No matter, it's Sunday and just as I was about to leave the house after work, one of the other teachers called with a spectacular offer:  since only three days remain until the end of the school year, and since there is a birthday party scheduled for the afternoon, she suggested that Raphaela stay the full day and not miss the festivities.

Amazing how the offer of a few extra hours during the day changed my entire mood.  I thought, "Now I can have lunch, catch up on some housework, and watch the Olympics.  Maybe even take a nap..."

Of course as soon as the nap idea crossed my mind, a patient called with a Chiropractic emergency, and I told him that I happened to have some available time this afternoon.

I love my daughter, and I want to watch her grow, but I am realizing more and more the value of personal activities for myself, a brief period each day where I reconnect to me.  Not Raphaela's mother and not some one's daughter or sister or doctor, just me.

Party Time

This afternoon, Raphaela and I attended the third birthday party of one her friends from Gan, the boy who earlier this year lost his younger baby sister to crib death.  His mother invested much time and effort into this party, inviting ten other children into their home and making this an event that the children and the parents will not forget.

I was glad that Raphaela and I were on the invitee list, that the events of last week did not color the opinion of me, or cause social isolation for my daughter.

It was actually a bittersweet feeling, to stand in a room with children and their parents whom I have known for the last two years, knowing that in less than a month we will all go our separate ways to different nurseries all around Jerusalem and all around the country. I have always preferred the close friendships of several quality people, rather than having 50 acquaintances, and I know that both Raphaela and I have received the gift of two or three close friends.  I also know that friendships, like any other relationships that are worthwhile, demand dedication and effort, which I am certainly willing to do.

As much as I cannot wait for this school year to end so that we can all move on, change is still change, and takes some adjustment.

My Scarlett Letter Part IV

Two hours have passed since my last update, and here's the big news.

E's mother called me, in response to both the private email I sent of apology and the public group email that I sent.  She spent approximately ten minutes telling me that I am the violent one, that I am a danger to my own child and others, and that she essentially does not accept my apology as being genuine.

She continued and said that because I "assaulted her child psychologically and physically," I am not to "even make eye contact with her or her husband," and if she sees me within ten feet of her child she is going to have me arrested by the Israeli police, with whom she intends on filing a report.

Two of my closer friends, Israeli parents of other children (and other victims from the Gan), have basically made it clear that I should try to ignore the situation as best as possible, and make it through the next month. They have made it clear as well that they will not necessarily back me up should E's mother or the Head Nursery Teacher take my persecution further.

An American friend of mine suggested that E's mother would not have dared to bully me the way she did, as well as take no responsibility for her son's part in this story, had I been a fellow sister of Israel.  Because I am American, E's mother thinks she can yell and scream and intimidate because I don't have the metaphorical balls to stand up to her.  (Apparently, E does get his impulses from somewhere.)

Maybe E's mother is right:  I am sitting at home with no appetite, unable to sleep and crying without end.
I cannot even conceive of taking Raphaela to Gan tomorrow and being able to look anyone in the eye, because I am in this parallel universe where I have become the wrong doer.   The bully has won this round.

I am even thinking about pulling Raphaela out of this Gan for the last month, and starting her in the place where I intend to send her next year, so both she and I can be free of this situation.

I am feeling vulnerable and assaulted, with absolutely no support system.

My Scarlett Letter Part III

Please recall for the purpose of this discussion that I immediately apologized to E's parents, and that I immediately spoke to the Head Nursery Teacher and told her the story.  I volunteered the information with the hopes that it would lead to an efficient and benevolent resolution on all sides.

One hour after speaking to S, I checked my email.  There was a letter from S and her husband, the CFO of the Gan, speaking in response to the "incident" that happened at the Gan today.  She stated unequivocally that under no circumstances is a parent to touch another child who is not his or her own, and that the offending parent (that would be me) has been banned from the Gan, and may only drop off his/her child at the front gate.  (S was careful not mention names)

This ban was certainly not introduced into our discussion when I spoke to S this afternoon, and yet she felt comfortable enough to tell everyone together in a public group email.

So here's where the situation stands:  E has been torturing his classmates all year, S has devised a completely ineffective solution to the problem, and quite purposely ignores all the parents who have asked her to get this continuing story under control.  His parents seem completely clueless regarding the full extent of the problem.

In my mode as Don Quixote, the warrior of Windmills, I react to an active and present situation in which my daughter is being threatened, and now I have been punished.  Most likely, E's parents will see this move as a vindication of their inability to see that their son E -whom I pity at the end of the day - exhibits aggressions that make him anti-social.  Aggressive tendencies and a lack of impulse control that if not nipped in the bud at this age, will only become more trouble as he grows and develops.

I decided that I could at least do damage control, and frame the rumors that will inevitably start swirling. I clicked "Respond All" to S's email, and wrote the following:

1.  I am "the incident."
2.  I take responsibility for my part in "the incident" and am always looking for ways to improve my understanding of myself and my parenting skills.
3.  I have already apologized to the parents involved.
4.  I then apologized to the rest of the parents on the group list who might feel uncomfortable because of "the incident."
5.  Should anyone feel the need to yell at me or give me feedback, they should feel free to do so.

I sent the email out as a priority, and now I await the downpour.

BTW, if you readers also choose to castigate me, feel free.  I will allow that I am human and make mistakes, and will make plenty more as a parent.

My Scarlet Letter Part II

I got home with Raphaela and began to realize that I needed to apologize to E's parents for disciplining a child other than my own, in a way that may have been perceived as harsh.  I tried to call E's parents several times, leaving messages and asking that we be able to speak in person, so that I may apologize and explain.

I waited several hours and when I did not hear from them,  I sat down in front of the computer and wrote them an apology, what I would have said to them had they answered the phone.  I apologized for overstepping and behaving inappropriately.  I assured them that in no way could I ever physically harm a child, and that was not violent with their son.  I invited them to please speak to me in person, or not, but that I needed to express this to them before this night was over.

I was abused in high school, and I know how it feels to be vulnerable that way, and I would never even threaten physical contact.

I called the Head Nursery Teacher so that she could hear the story from my point of view, before it became the grist for rumor and exaggeration.  I told her the story in all truthfulness, I told S the story with full disclosure.  She then spent the next 15 minutes yelling at me, saying the following:

1. I have violated Israeli law by even talking to a child who is not mine.  I am not allowed, by Israeli law, to touch, talk to and certainly not discipline any other child than my own.
2.  She understands that I was defending Raphaela, because "all mothers are the Lioness when it comes to their own children."  According to the Montessori tradition, however, I did more harm to my own daughter than good, because in standing up for her I made Raphaela appear weak, I "stole her power and self confidence," and I destroyed any learning potential from the situation.
3.  IF I were returning to this Gan next year instead of removing Raphaela from her family - yes, the guilt trip continues because S thinks that will make me emotionally dependent on her - I would have understood better how to handle the situation.
4.  It doesn't matter if I saw E attack Raphaela with my own eyes, and it doesn't matter if it wasn't the first time.  There is one month left before the end of the academic year and she no longer feels that E and his behaviour represent a topic worth tackling, so she, as the spiritual and educational mentor of the Gan, has no intention of rectifying the situation for Raphaela or any of his other victims.

I was not sure how to react to this diatribe, except to assert that I acted in response to an immediate situation, and out of frustration that it was clear to me and other parents that her approach to styme this behaviour has not worked since the beginning of the year.

(Continued...)

My Scarlet Letter

Here are the facts of the case:

Since September, two children ("Y" and "E") have consistently bullied, hit, stolen toys and destroyed belongings of their classmates, including Raphaela.  The Montessori approach to bullies claims that these children lash out because they don't receive enough love and affection, and so the Head Nursery Teacher ("S") rewards the bully with hugs and kind words, and gives the victims of these two boys lessons in assertive behaviour.  In fact, bullying is a serious problem in the Israeli educational system, starting from this tender age and it gets worse and more scary as Israeli children get older.

Since September, other than the stories from Raphaela and several of the parents of her close friends, I personally have witnessed E come over to my daughter as I am standing there with her, hit her or try to take away something of hers by force.  I have held my tongue and swallowed my need to "do something about it."  All the parents have done so, because we know from experience that no matter how many times we complain to the Head Nursery Teacher and ask her to take definitive action, she will not.

This afternoon, with Raphaela standing next to me at the end of the Gan day, E rammed into Raphaela's leg with a riding toy.  Raphaela fell to the floor and started crying, and so I picked her up and comforted her.  I then bent down and was eye level to him, and firmly told him that he needed to apologize to Raphaela for having hurt her.  He stared me down for five minutes and refused.  I then told Raphaela to tell E that he hurt her and that she finds it uncomfortable when he hurts her.  Raphaela did so and E did not budge in his stubbornness.  So I said that since he hurt Raphaela with the riding toy, he should not be allowed to continue to play with it, and removed him non-violently.

NB This entire time, the nursery teachers stood by and watched the proceedings, and the Head Nursery Teacher was not even on the premises.

E started to cry, and at that moment his mother arrived.  She immediately started shouting, "What happened E, who hurt you?"  I calmly explained, without mentioning at all that this was a repeat and recurrent occurrence, that her son hurt my daughter, and that I asked him nicely to apologize and he refused.  She gave me a look that would kill, and stomped away, sheltering her angel son from me.

I felt little remorse, though I did think afterwards that my taking away the riding toy was beyond my jurisdiction in this case;  to me, I am the first parent this whole year to actually react to the problem and issue that we parents all obsess about in private to each other.

(Continued...)

We Are Family

When I first moved to Israel in 1997, I joined the Tora Dojo martial arts organization; I was alone in a new country, and they were the closest thing to family I could imagine.  My father had received a black belt - one of the original ten -  from the style's creator, Dr. Harvey Sober.  Many of the teachers here in Jerusalem had gone to college with my father, remembered me as a little girl, and welcomed me. I felt like I had the social safety net I needed.

After several years, and having a achieved purple belt, I felt that the style of martial arts that Tora Dojo represented here in Israel no longer fulfilled my needs, and it took me six months to officially stop going to class, and another six months to stop feeling bad about leaving my 'family.'

I have approximately two weeks to decide where Raphaela will go to Gan next year.  I suffer from too many choices rather than too few, and it is driving me mad.

Option One, Gan Yarok (her current nursery):  Raphaela is happy there, she knows the place and some of the children returning next year;  she will have one more year of a great child-staff ratio of 1:5-6. Despite some of the glaring problems with the Head nursery teacher, I have many good things to say about the place and what they offer, the feeling of independence that they foster as a Montessori program.

MAJOR DOWNSIDE:  It is the most expensive place of the three, with the most vacation days and the least hours per month.  As a single mother, money is a real issue.
THE BIG QUESTION:  Is Raphaela's "security" worth the extra money, even if it means that I end up struggling a little within my budget?

Option Two, Gan Mazi:  Although it is a  municipal nursery, they have an uncharacteristic ratio as well of 1:5-6, with a mix of Russian/Hebrew/English/Spanish language children, and an Immersion program, with several children her age whom she knows from swim lessons.  She can stay there for the next three years, until Raphaela starts first grade.

MAJOR DOWNSIDE:  It is not within walking distance of my house, and Raphaela would have to be toilet trained, no matter what.
THE BIG QUESTION:  Is Raphaela ready for the public system, or is three years old simply too early?

Option Three, Gan Emunah:  A five minute walk from my house, Raphaela's classroom for next year is full of toys and drawings, and the teachers seemed warm and at the same time, had good control over the group of three to four year olds.  It is private but much less expensive than Gan Yarok, with up to 26 children in the class and they supply all meals and snacks for the day.

MAJOR DOWNSIDE:  It would be a new place for Raphaela, and as far as I know, she would not know any of the kids in her class.
THE BIG QUESTION:  Is it worth transferring Raphaela for this one year, when she would have to switch in the public system next year, no matter what?

And then we get back to the question of family, that sense of guilt and dread if I pull Raphaela out of Gan Yarok, away from everything she has known for the last two years; wondering what amazing things they might be doing and feeling bad because Raphaela missed out on that experience.  I certainly can't agonize over this decision for too much longer, and don't want to hand it over to indecision and the Greater Universe; I want to own it and be 100% with my process.

As a friend of mine reminded me, when the Universe makes a de facto choice, it is not always in mine (or Raphaela's) best interests.

Approximately one month ago, I had a frank and private discussion with the CFO of my daughter's Gan, explaining that I loved the place and the security it gave both me and Raphaela, and that I would be hard pressed to continue on next year, if they increased their prices again.  A Montissouri education is worth the money yes, but there is a limit to what is reasonable given my budget.

He said that he was glad I felt comfortable enough to speak to him, and that he would have a considered answer for me and all the parents in the Gan.

Yesterday I received an email with the monthly news letter -always fun and informative- and at the end of the message, they reminded parents that registration would be taking place, granting current students priority placement.  The price, he continued, would be raised by approximately 150 NIS;  he then added that single parents would not have to pay the new amount, and could continue with this year's tuition fees.

True, a private gan must respond to the competition, which heated up for the Fall with the recent law making Israeli public nurseries even cheaper.  But they are decent and honest people, people who run their Gan with love and care and quality; this gesture on their part for single parents (SMBC, divorced or otherwise) should be rewarded.

Gan Party Checklist

Raphaela's Gan birthday party will be G-d Willing in two days, on the last day of school before Yom Kippur.  I invoke G-d in particular because Raphaela has the beginning of some version of a cold or allergies, and I would hate to have all this build-up (in my own head, mostly) for this party and then have her get full-fledged sick on that day.

I am a competent cook but a lousy baker, and so my friend Galia, whose talent in creating child birthday cake masterpieces, will be helping me with the birthday cake.

Being a Montissouri Gan, they ask the parents to bring a worthwhile art project for the event, so it is not simply a few songs and some junk food for the class.  I had ordered some great stuff off the internet, but alas, it will not arrive in time for the party.  Instead, I downloaded various coloring pages along the theme of Succot, and created 18 personalized coloring books for each of the children.  The coloring book will also include a page of Succot-related stickers, for use in creating the pictures, or to take home and stick on inappropriate pieces of grown-up furniture.

I have enough balloons, and a somewhat healthy snack bag for each of the kids in Raphaela's class.

This party has kicked my Type-A personality into high gear, and is causing me more stress than I believe it should.  Ironically, for an 'educational system' that encourages free expression and personal growth, the competition among parents regarding birthdays feels most inproportionate.  For G-d's sake, Raphaela is turning two, not going into the army or getting married.  And yet, I feel that I must show the other parents that I can put together a slamming celebration.

All this, and I am trying to plan a more intimate family birthday gathering during Chol Hamoed Succot.  I need the letter "M" on my shirt, for masochist.

Gan Reunion

This morning, armed with three bags worth of Gan supplies, Raphaela and I returned to the routine of the school year, along with almost every other parent in Israel.  The head nursery teacher asked the parents to stay the entire morning and hang out in the corner, to be seen but not to hover; and so we mothers (especially those who knew each other from last year) hung out and caught up.   Across the board, the parents admitted that as nice as it is to spend time with your child, Thank G-d for the return of sanity, and some free time as grown-ups.

It was an amazing sense of relief and joy to watch Raphaela walking around, on two legs instead of all-fours, as she had done until the end of the last school year.

Once Raphaela feels secure enough to be left at Gan, I will re-start my running program, using the track through the forest right behind the nursery school building.  I ultimately plan on running the Jerusalem 10K next Spring, not to mention feeling toned again, for the first time in two years since the birth.

NEWS FLASH:  The woman who was supposed to be the supervisor for Raphaela's group, one of the new hires, let the Gan know yesterday that due to "personal reasons," she would be unable to fulfill her role.

The most interesting innovation this year should be the post Jewish holidays mass toilet training.  The head nursery teacher informed the parents that starting after Succot (mid-October), all the kids from the age of one and higher will be encouraged to drop their pants and toilet train together, following the Montissouri technique.

I know this route works especially well, though I have one reservation:  Raphaela has only begun recently to explore her more private anatomy, and I hope that the Gan can maintain some decorum among the children regarding relative state of dress during this toilet training adventure.

We ended the day with friends from the States,  for a relaxed meal at the restaurant at the Botanical Gardens;  my one last gasp at Summer vacation before the move next week.