Big Decisions

For the first time since Raphaela's birth, I feel myself embracing the idea of my daughter not as an extension of me, but rather as her own person, and that I as her caretaker have the important responsibility to allow her to explore the limits of her will, towards establishing an independent identity.

I am enjoying this shift as well, and this week scheduled a guilt-free haircut, massage and facial;  I can be a woman and treat myself nicely, outside Raphaela's needs.

In fact, this course of thinking has taken me one step further, into an area that makes me sad and joyful at the same time.  I am still nursing, not because it provides essential nutritional, but because we both enjoy the quiet and intimacy of the time we spend together.  (Plus I think it is a wonder of nature that my body can provide milk for Raphaela!)  However, Raphaela has fallen into the habit of waking up once or sometimes twice in the middle of the night for a "Boobies Snack."  She eats and within ten minutes goes back to sleep, but my sleep cycle has been ruined.

I am tired all the time, and unless I can train her to nurse only during the day time, I fear I may have to wean her altogther.  I don't know how to do that, though I suspect it will be difficult for both of us.