My parents left for the airport at eight pm last night, after we spent essentially the whole day together. Other than several small moments of verbal tension, I acted like I had no issues with them or their actions toward me, and I tried as best as I could to give Raphaela time with her grandparents. We went to the zoo in the afternoon, and between the fact that Raphaela loves animals, and that we were both healthy again, she warmed up to my parents, showing them that if they had invested a little more time, it would be a lot of fun to play with her and get to know her.
In a desperate act of dependence, I forcefully told my parents that I thought it would be nice if we had dinner together, as their flight left at midnight, and was rebuffed, but at least I gave myself a place of vulnerability.
My mother called from the airport while they were waiting to board the plane, and reflected that she felt they had not spent enough time with Raphaela; maybe next time they will realign their plans and priorities to focus more upon family.
4 comments:
It's great that you had a terrific Sunday with them and that your mom on her own came to this realization with no pressure from you.
I agree with koshergourmetmart.
Doc, you gotta let go of your parents. They aren't going to be what you want; they aren't going to be what you want for Raphaela. You have your own life; live it, and if your parents eventually come around with something good or healthy for you and/or RR, great. If not, you have your lives, and that's also great.
You have to let them go, and let the expectations go. People can be selfish and limited. Even parents.
I know how hard it is to really feel and know that your parents will never be what you want them to be. Even harder is to realize you can't change the past.
And, my two cents, along the lines of the above two comments, is this: You crave for your parents to treat you with love and warmth and respect even though they often disagree with your choices and you have your own life without them.
They may learn to do so from you, when you treat them with love and warmth and respect even though you often disagree with their choices and they have their own life without you.
Agree with the previous comments. I'd like to also point out that no matter how much you want them to accept your unconventional choices with unconditional love and support, it just doesn't sound like it's going to happen. It doesn't take a PhD to recognize that your mom clearly has serious issues with the choices you've made which explains her hostility, her ambivalence about spending time with you and R. It's not nice or fair, but it's certainly her prerogative.
It's heartbreaking, but I agree with Amy. You've got to learn to mourn and let go of your expectations of them. Hopefully, they will come around and learn to love and accept you the way you want, but it may never happen. You have to learn to make up for it in other ways in your life.
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