Thursday, January 29, 2015
Shabbat Shalom
Whenever Raphaela is happy, she sings with full gusto the Friday night synagogue song "Lecha Dodi,"a love song of sorts between the Jewish people and the Shabbat.
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Hakunah Matata
Today I pulled Raphaela out of Kindergarten in the middle of the day, to take her to her First Grade interview. Raphaela had fun with it, I was a nervous wreck; unable to eat anything this morning because of the nausea, it was like the SATs and my Chiropractic boards all over again. (I stop eating when I am under stress.)
How did the interview and testing go? I don't know, since I was not sitting in the room with her. The teacher who administered the meeting was all aglow afterwards, "Your daughter is lovely, it was such a pleasure," though I would hope that she is kind to all parents who go through this process. I have to have faith in my daughter that she represented herself well and honestly, and I have to trust the Universe that this will play out as it is meant to, for the best benefit of my child in the short and long run.
Raphaela seemed to quite enjoy exploring the school premises and peeking in on the classes and the music rooms and the art activities.
Or to quote my wise aunt, "When she is 20, she will be sitting in some therapist's office blaming you for everything that went wrong and right in her life anyway."
Apparently in approximately one and a half months I will hear from the school, whether or not Raphaela made the cut. Then I have until April/May to make a final decision regarding repeating Kindergarten for "one more year of play," or moving onto the big leagues.
When I got home, I wrote a brief thank you note to the school, because politeness cannot be counted against you; a habit learned from my grandmother, after whom Raphaela is named.
Raphaela has lately become obsessed with the Disney movie, The Lion King, and I have taken it upon myself - so I don't go insane and so I can start sleeping again - the philosophy of "Hakunah Matata." When I start feeling anxious or start worrying about a process that for now is completely out of my hands, "Hakunah Matata!" Or to quote another Disney movie, "Let it go..."
How did the interview and testing go? I don't know, since I was not sitting in the room with her. The teacher who administered the meeting was all aglow afterwards, "Your daughter is lovely, it was such a pleasure," though I would hope that she is kind to all parents who go through this process. I have to have faith in my daughter that she represented herself well and honestly, and I have to trust the Universe that this will play out as it is meant to, for the best benefit of my child in the short and long run.
Raphaela seemed to quite enjoy exploring the school premises and peeking in on the classes and the music rooms and the art activities.
Or to quote my wise aunt, "When she is 20, she will be sitting in some therapist's office blaming you for everything that went wrong and right in her life anyway."
Apparently in approximately one and a half months I will hear from the school, whether or not Raphaela made the cut. Then I have until April/May to make a final decision regarding repeating Kindergarten for "one more year of play," or moving onto the big leagues.
When I got home, I wrote a brief thank you note to the school, because politeness cannot be counted against you; a habit learned from my grandmother, after whom Raphaela is named.
Raphaela has lately become obsessed with the Disney movie, The Lion King, and I have taken it upon myself - so I don't go insane and so I can start sleeping again - the philosophy of "Hakunah Matata." When I start feeling anxious or start worrying about a process that for now is completely out of my hands, "Hakunah Matata!" Or to quote another Disney movie, "Let it go..."
Monday, January 26, 2015
The Baby Sitter Mafia
Tonight I have a brief (10-15 minutes) mid-year meeting with Raphaela's Kindergarten teacher, and I have spent the last two days desperately trying to find a sitter for Raphaela. Our regular favorite refused to come, because it involves total less than an hour, and it is not worth her time and effort. (I hear that.) Nor can she think of any of her friends who might be available, right...
The building in which we have lived for the last three plus years has a specific code of behavior among neighbors, IE Don't bother us and we won't bother you. I canvassed several of them, asking if my daughter could just sit in their living room for 40 minutes or so and color, and got a lot of "It's not a good time," "I have a meeting at that hour," "I'm washing my hair," etc.
One family downstairs has a boy aged 13, but I don't know if he is allowed to babysit girls, it's a Jerusalem thing; besides, Raphaela is afraid of the whole lot of them, because the mother constantly yells at her children, in the house, in the halls and on the street. One Shabbat, the shouting went on for such a long time, and could be heard clearly outside the building, that several of the neighbors contemplated calling the police and Social Services and reporting the family for possible abuse.
I even posted in a Jerusalem parents group on Facebook, and got no helpful responses. No sympathy or assistance for the single mother with no emergency grandma or grandpa or cousins to pitch in.
So here I stand, with the knowledge that I must find some solution before seven pm, otherwise I will have to cancel the meeting; this time I actually need to hear what her teacher has to say about her intellectual and emotional progress, because I have yet to decide if Raphaela will be staying back a year in Kindergarten next year or advancing to First Grade.
The building in which we have lived for the last three plus years has a specific code of behavior among neighbors, IE Don't bother us and we won't bother you. I canvassed several of them, asking if my daughter could just sit in their living room for 40 minutes or so and color, and got a lot of "It's not a good time," "I have a meeting at that hour," "I'm washing my hair," etc.
One family downstairs has a boy aged 13, but I don't know if he is allowed to babysit girls, it's a Jerusalem thing; besides, Raphaela is afraid of the whole lot of them, because the mother constantly yells at her children, in the house, in the halls and on the street. One Shabbat, the shouting went on for such a long time, and could be heard clearly outside the building, that several of the neighbors contemplated calling the police and Social Services and reporting the family for possible abuse.
I even posted in a Jerusalem parents group on Facebook, and got no helpful responses. No sympathy or assistance for the single mother with no emergency grandma or grandpa or cousins to pitch in.
So here I stand, with the knowledge that I must find some solution before seven pm, otherwise I will have to cancel the meeting; this time I actually need to hear what her teacher has to say about her intellectual and emotional progress, because I have yet to decide if Raphaela will be staying back a year in Kindergarten next year or advancing to First Grade.
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Monday, January 19, 2015
Renewed Admiration
Yesterday, to Raphaela's delight, I came to her Gan and gave her class of 34 kindergarten children a Spine and Health lecture.
From start to finish, the activity took less than an hour, and I tried to include some physical and intellectual stimulation, so they would not fidget or stop listening. If they each took home one or two salient points, I consider myself successful. (Though I am not sure about the boy whose answer to every question was either "Legs!" or "Bellybutton!")
One hour, and these dedicated teachers do this every day for nine hours each day...I came home exhausted, with a heightened admiration for the job of a teacher. Seriously, these men and women who educate our children are not getting paid what they truly deserve.
From start to finish, the activity took less than an hour, and I tried to include some physical and intellectual stimulation, so they would not fidget or stop listening. If they each took home one or two salient points, I consider myself successful. (Though I am not sure about the boy whose answer to every question was either "Legs!" or "Bellybutton!")
One hour, and these dedicated teachers do this every day for nine hours each day...I came home exhausted, with a heightened admiration for the job of a teacher. Seriously, these men and women who educate our children are not getting paid what they truly deserve.
Sunday, January 18, 2015
School Daze II
First Grade or a repeat year of Kindergarten? Raphaela sometimes lets her imagination get ahead of hard reality; will another year of Kindergarten improve on her social skills, or is that simply a beautiful part of her personality?
Until now I have understood that either way will work, going ahead will stimulate and challenge Raphaela and open many new doors, and keeping her behind one more year will grant her an extra year of free play without real academic expectations, it will give her a chance to feel more secure in her social environment, because she will be the oldest and the tallest by far, she will be the boss. I spoke today to her teacher and requested an objective independent psychological evaluation of Raphaela's emotional readiness to start First Grade, because the "helpful opinions" are running circles in my head and I cannot listen to my Inner Voice, that energy inside me that knows me and knows my child, and can somehow intuit what is best for her, without all this pesky thinking and analyzing.
Yes, this decision is all about Raphaela and what will suit her best now and as she continues growing and learning and achieving. And yet, I must acknowledge that this debate starts with me, with me wanting some basic recognition for my parenting skills. When I do make the final choice, after consulting with the professionals, I want other mothers and fathers to tell me that I am a great Mom, and that thus far I have not screwed her up too badly.
Walking this morning after dropping Raphaela off from school, I bumped into an old friend whom I haven't seen in years, a man who has put two children more or less successfully through the Israeli school system. He gave me his two second answer, mainly, "Give her another year of play, make it the easiest year she will ever know. Why do things have to be challenging and hard? It's our job to smooth the way for our children."
Coming full circle back to me, and a pattern I have tried to break for many years: I had for most of my teenage life and much of my pre-Israel adult life, believed that if you don't struggle over something, if you don't have to work hard and earn an accomplishment, if there isn't crying involved somewhere, then you are being lazy and not pushing yourself outside your comfort zone. I have always said and continue to affirm that the moment you slide through your life and stop generating motivation to change and grow and learn new things, you might as well be dead.
Will a year of cruising in Kindergarten be best for Raphaela, or will I feel like we are cheating the system, and that I as a mother am not giving her what she needs to truly fulfill her potential?
Until now I have understood that either way will work, going ahead will stimulate and challenge Raphaela and open many new doors, and keeping her behind one more year will grant her an extra year of free play without real academic expectations, it will give her a chance to feel more secure in her social environment, because she will be the oldest and the tallest by far, she will be the boss. I spoke today to her teacher and requested an objective independent psychological evaluation of Raphaela's emotional readiness to start First Grade, because the "helpful opinions" are running circles in my head and I cannot listen to my Inner Voice, that energy inside me that knows me and knows my child, and can somehow intuit what is best for her, without all this pesky thinking and analyzing.
Yes, this decision is all about Raphaela and what will suit her best now and as she continues growing and learning and achieving. And yet, I must acknowledge that this debate starts with me, with me wanting some basic recognition for my parenting skills. When I do make the final choice, after consulting with the professionals, I want other mothers and fathers to tell me that I am a great Mom, and that thus far I have not screwed her up too badly.
Walking this morning after dropping Raphaela off from school, I bumped into an old friend whom I haven't seen in years, a man who has put two children more or less successfully through the Israeli school system. He gave me his two second answer, mainly, "Give her another year of play, make it the easiest year she will ever know. Why do things have to be challenging and hard? It's our job to smooth the way for our children."
Coming full circle back to me, and a pattern I have tried to break for many years: I had for most of my teenage life and much of my pre-Israel adult life, believed that if you don't struggle over something, if you don't have to work hard and earn an accomplishment, if there isn't crying involved somewhere, then you are being lazy and not pushing yourself outside your comfort zone. I have always said and continue to affirm that the moment you slide through your life and stop generating motivation to change and grow and learn new things, you might as well be dead.
Will a year of cruising in Kindergarten be best for Raphaela, or will I feel like we are cheating the system, and that I as a mother am not giving her what she needs to truly fulfill her potential?
Friday, January 16, 2015
School Daze
I have been suffering this whole week from an inner ear infection, it took three days to get an "emergency" appointment with an ENT and I have just begun anti-biotics. Needless to say, I have not slept well or through the night since Sunday, and I do not function well when my mind has gone Clockwork Orange. And the pain from this ear infection feels like an alien boring into my brain, 24 hours a day. No biggie.
My sister-in-law innocently asked me who was taking care of Raphaela when I was sick, when all I want to do is crawl into bed for a week, and I responded, "Really? The Messiah is late because of me, because he has moved into my house to take over child care, and supermarket shopping, and driving to extra-curricular classes, and taking Raphaela to Gan every morning." I paused, so the cynical nature of my response could be fully appreciated, and then continued, "I am slogging on, every day, because if I do not take care of my daughter, there is no one else to pick up the slack." "Oh...yeah," said my sister-in-law.
Added to that stress, in less than one week I am meant to decide regarding First Grade for Raphaela; just when I felt sure about my decision and Raphaela's readiness/eagerness, I was bombarded with the strong suggestion that I keep her back for one more year in Kindergarten, one more year of play, one more year of building confidence socially and verbally.
Now I must choose a potential repeat Kindergarten for next year, as well as signing up Raphaela for this monumental transition, and hoping the that the final decision will take place some time between April and May 2015. I checked out three different schools, one I knew I would never choose, one that was a question mark, and one that was basically always number one on my list. Most impressed by the elementary school that I had chosen to begin with, I then sunk into a crazed state when the principal warned that their school gets more applicants than the space available. That there are already 20 spaces taken by "legacies," IE the siblings of children already attending the school. That there will be an interview process and several months before any parent gets final confirmation on placement.
OK, another several months where I will not be sleeping well.
My sister-in-law innocently asked me who was taking care of Raphaela when I was sick, when all I want to do is crawl into bed for a week, and I responded, "Really? The Messiah is late because of me, because he has moved into my house to take over child care, and supermarket shopping, and driving to extra-curricular classes, and taking Raphaela to Gan every morning." I paused, so the cynical nature of my response could be fully appreciated, and then continued, "I am slogging on, every day, because if I do not take care of my daughter, there is no one else to pick up the slack." "Oh...yeah," said my sister-in-law.
Added to that stress, in less than one week I am meant to decide regarding First Grade for Raphaela; just when I felt sure about my decision and Raphaela's readiness/eagerness, I was bombarded with the strong suggestion that I keep her back for one more year in Kindergarten, one more year of play, one more year of building confidence socially and verbally.
Now I must choose a potential repeat Kindergarten for next year, as well as signing up Raphaela for this monumental transition, and hoping the that the final decision will take place some time between April and May 2015. I checked out three different schools, one I knew I would never choose, one that was a question mark, and one that was basically always number one on my list. Most impressed by the elementary school that I had chosen to begin with, I then sunk into a crazed state when the principal warned that their school gets more applicants than the space available. That there are already 20 spaces taken by "legacies," IE the siblings of children already attending the school. That there will be an interview process and several months before any parent gets final confirmation on placement.
OK, another several months where I will not be sleeping well.
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