With all the manic preparation post-move for the High Holidays, and for Raphaela's impending second birthday this coming Sunday, I realized one thing:
Since the day she was born, I have looked in on her every night before I go to sleep myself. It has been two years, and still, every time I watch her in that peaceful state, I feel butterflies in my stomach, sheer joy, and I think to myself, "How blessed am I, how lucky am I. I love my baby so much, and I can't believe she is mine, and I am hers."
I hope this feeeling never goes away.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
New Apartment, New Habits
Ever since we moved to the new apartment, and Raphaela has discovered the drawer with the (theoretically) decommissioned baby items, she has decided for the first time in her two years of life that she wants to start using pacifiers. Since her birth, and as a baby she rejected them outright, and now the combination of peer pressure and the stress of the move has made them fashionable.
Many children in her Gan, including her best friend "Na Nu," have a pacifier perpetually attached and nearby.
At the very least, Raphaela only asks for the pacifiers at home, and when it comes time to leave the house does not insist upon taking them (that's right, two of them) into the car or during outside errands. I am very much hoping that this is a phase, a reaction and brief regression because of our recent change of address.
Other than the issue of future braces and their exhorbitant cost, and other than the negative effect it has on language development and facial muscles; I have observed too many Israeli parents using the pacifier as a way to shut up their children in public. Then the attachment goes beyond the original plan, with four and five year olds walking around the supermarket with their mouth stuffed and their emotional growth infantilized.
Raphaela turns two next week, and with all the increadible achievements I have witnessed since her surgery, it would be a shame to take several steps backward.
Many children in her Gan, including her best friend "Na Nu," have a pacifier perpetually attached and nearby.
At the very least, Raphaela only asks for the pacifiers at home, and when it comes time to leave the house does not insist upon taking them (that's right, two of them) into the car or during outside errands. I am very much hoping that this is a phase, a reaction and brief regression because of our recent change of address.
Other than the issue of future braces and their exhorbitant cost, and other than the negative effect it has on language development and facial muscles; I have observed too many Israeli parents using the pacifier as a way to shut up their children in public. Then the attachment goes beyond the original plan, with four and five year olds walking around the supermarket with their mouth stuffed and their emotional growth infantilized.
Raphaela turns two next week, and with all the increadible achievements I have witnessed since her surgery, it would be a shame to take several steps backward.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Generation Gap
This morning, while walking Raphaela to Gan, we met one of our new more elderly neighbors, one of the few who has had a conversation with us and taken an interest. At first she seemed surprised that we were out of the house so early, and I explained that her nursery opens at 7:15 am. Little does she know that Raphaela wakes up sometime between five and five thirty am, so seven already feels late to me.
Then this neighbor spontaneously asked me if Raphaela was "mine," and she clarified her question by saying, "Did she come out of your stomach?" I tried not to look offended in any way, and said in a joking tone, "How could she not be mine, Raphaela has my eyes..."
The neighbor then mumbled something about me being single and the assumption that maybe I had adopted, because Raphaela's skin tone is a little darker than mine.
I don't know if this qualifies as an Israeli experience speficially, or an encounter that might happen anywhere on the planet, where the idea of biological parenting by choice has not yet taken hold in the older generations.
Then this neighbor spontaneously asked me if Raphaela was "mine," and she clarified her question by saying, "Did she come out of your stomach?" I tried not to look offended in any way, and said in a joking tone, "How could she not be mine, Raphaela has my eyes..."
The neighbor then mumbled something about me being single and the assumption that maybe I had adopted, because Raphaela's skin tone is a little darker than mine.
I don't know if this qualifies as an Israeli experience speficially, or an encounter that might happen anywhere on the planet, where the idea of biological parenting by choice has not yet taken hold in the older generations.
Singles Struggle for Attention
Thus reads the headline of the most recent New York Times piece, which examines the position of "limbo" in which single people exist. The science article, written by Tara Parker Pope, explores the less than gratifying place in society for single and unmarried Americans, where the assumption is "that if you don't get married, there is something wrong with you."
Pope continues with studies that suggest that the unmarried folk, whether or not they are parents, tend to contribute more to their communities and toward the care-taking of relatives, they volunteer more and become more politically involved than their married counterparts. And yet, public policy and insurance companies provide less physical benefits for the unattached.
Judaic ritual and tradition certainly leaves very little room for the recognition of the needs of those outside the family framework.
"...Very successful women in their careers and their lives [felt] bad about not being married, like they were letting someone down...If a person is happy being single then we should support that as well."
If being unmarried remains one of the "last accepted prejudices," then certainly the status of SMBC adds an additional wrinkle. I am glad to see the topic discussed among civilized company, and I hope that it opens the floor for a more open debate on the modern Alternative Family.
Pope continues with studies that suggest that the unmarried folk, whether or not they are parents, tend to contribute more to their communities and toward the care-taking of relatives, they volunteer more and become more politically involved than their married counterparts. And yet, public policy and insurance companies provide less physical benefits for the unattached.
Judaic ritual and tradition certainly leaves very little room for the recognition of the needs of those outside the family framework.
"...Very successful women in their careers and their lives [felt] bad about not being married, like they were letting someone down...If a person is happy being single then we should support that as well."
If being unmarried remains one of the "last accepted prejudices," then certainly the status of SMBC adds an additional wrinkle. I am glad to see the topic discussed among civilized company, and I hope that it opens the floor for a more open debate on the modern Alternative Family.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Music to My Ears
With Rosh HaShanah coming, I should be cleansing my mind and heart, and aspiring to better behaviour. Since this morning, I have been grinning inside, and feeling guilty for my thoughts of joy. I will explain.
My new apartment has wonderful panoramic views of...my neighbors, including my old apartment. This morning I heard noises of drilling and wall destruction coming from the old place, and then the giant construction trash bin pulled up. That's when I started smiling.
The whole year and a half that I suffered because of my former land lord, his contruction and his illegal apartment, none of my neighbors gave me a kind word, expressed sympathy, or took my side when my land lord was clearly in the wrong. As long as it did not affect them or their quality of life directly, they stopped being human toward me; and then they decided to come along for the ride when I stood up for myself, and the building.
Now they can live with drilling, vibration and noise right beneath their home, and I promise you, it will affect them and their children directly. Now they can begin to understand how Raphaela and I suffered by the hand of a Construction Mobster, and why I had to flee the place in which I had lived for six years.
Karma's a bitch.
My new apartment has wonderful panoramic views of...my neighbors, including my old apartment. This morning I heard noises of drilling and wall destruction coming from the old place, and then the giant construction trash bin pulled up. That's when I started smiling.
The whole year and a half that I suffered because of my former land lord, his contruction and his illegal apartment, none of my neighbors gave me a kind word, expressed sympathy, or took my side when my land lord was clearly in the wrong. As long as it did not affect them or their quality of life directly, they stopped being human toward me; and then they decided to come along for the ride when I stood up for myself, and the building.
Now they can live with drilling, vibration and noise right beneath their home, and I promise you, it will affect them and their children directly. Now they can begin to understand how Raphaela and I suffered by the hand of a Construction Mobster, and why I had to flee the place in which I had lived for six years.
Karma's a bitch.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
My Rosh Hashanah Wish
Purim, bag stolen. May, emergency appendectomy. July, Raphaela's surgery. August, major trauma from land lord. September, moved to new apartment.
There is a Chinese curse that goes something like this: "May you live in interesting times."
All I really wish for right now, today and towards the new Jewish year, are a few moments of quiet, tranquility and ease. A few moments where I can look forward to a decent night's sleep, without planning for some future shock to the system or some health crisis.
When I collected Raphaela from Gan today, the head nursery teacher rushed over to me, and with a look of deep and almost alarming concern, told me that my daughter lacks stability and confidence when she walks, and that I must get her checked by a pediatric orthopedic surgeon. Personally, and even given my background as a Chiropractor, I don't know that Raphaela should be running marathons quite yet, as she has only been walking independently for three weeks now.
Furthermore, in principle I have no objection to Raphaela receiving a full workup, and over one month ago applied to the specialized pediatric clinic through my HMO. When I called the HMO today, they informed me that they only received my request three days ago (!), and with the holidays coming, it was unlikely that anything could be done for Raphaela until three months from now.
So now the worry about Raphaela's development and walking gets to invade my brain, because apparently I don't deserve that occasional peace of mind. I spoke today to a woman whose specialty, through both private sessions and a group 20-class course, teaches parents the skills they need not just to survive, but to flourish within their family unit. I can see having one or two private sessions with her, but cannot honestly commit to a half year of classes. I don't know where in my non-stop schedule I will find the time, no matter how important the experience and the information.
There is a Chinese curse that goes something like this: "May you live in interesting times."
All I really wish for right now, today and towards the new Jewish year, are a few moments of quiet, tranquility and ease. A few moments where I can look forward to a decent night's sleep, without planning for some future shock to the system or some health crisis.
When I collected Raphaela from Gan today, the head nursery teacher rushed over to me, and with a look of deep and almost alarming concern, told me that my daughter lacks stability and confidence when she walks, and that I must get her checked by a pediatric orthopedic surgeon. Personally, and even given my background as a Chiropractor, I don't know that Raphaela should be running marathons quite yet, as she has only been walking independently for three weeks now.
Furthermore, in principle I have no objection to Raphaela receiving a full workup, and over one month ago applied to the specialized pediatric clinic through my HMO. When I called the HMO today, they informed me that they only received my request three days ago (!), and with the holidays coming, it was unlikely that anything could be done for Raphaela until three months from now.
So now the worry about Raphaela's development and walking gets to invade my brain, because apparently I don't deserve that occasional peace of mind. I spoke today to a woman whose specialty, through both private sessions and a group 20-class course, teaches parents the skills they need not just to survive, but to flourish within their family unit. I can see having one or two private sessions with her, but cannot honestly commit to a half year of classes. I don't know where in my non-stop schedule I will find the time, no matter how important the experience and the information.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Imaginary Friends
Every morning, Raphaela and I go through the list of all the children in her Gan class, the kids with whom she will play that day. For the past few days, she has mentioned a "Carmi", and I know for a fact that there is no child with that name in her Gan, not even with a name that sounds similar. I double checked with her nursery teacher. Raphaela continues to say this name with assurance and clarity.
This morning, when I asked her about Carmi, she simply smiled. I believe we have a candidate for Raphaela's first imaginary friend.
Having exercised my imagination as a child, I am all in favor of imaginary friends, and in fact have my own theory about the phenomenon. I have read that animals and young children have a higher psychic sensitivity, and when the talk to their imaginary friends, they are in fact interacting with spirits or angels, beings that we as adult with filters can no longer see. I actually hope that Raphaela holds onto that openness to the Universe, as long as she can.
When I was studying in Chiropractic school, I spent most weekends and Jewish holidays with a certain cousin and her family. Her then three year old boy had nightmares and difficulty sleeping, claiming that he was being terrorized by a "scary black dog" running down the hallway. At first, my cousin took a step back, hoping that the fear was a phase. I suggested to her that she treat this image of a scary dog as if her son were seeing and hearing it, that they believe him that this being was scaring him at night, as if it were a reality. She took my advice and soon after, the black dog "got runned over by a car" and never bothered him again.
This morning, when I asked her about Carmi, she simply smiled. I believe we have a candidate for Raphaela's first imaginary friend.
Having exercised my imagination as a child, I am all in favor of imaginary friends, and in fact have my own theory about the phenomenon. I have read that animals and young children have a higher psychic sensitivity, and when the talk to their imaginary friends, they are in fact interacting with spirits or angels, beings that we as adult with filters can no longer see. I actually hope that Raphaela holds onto that openness to the Universe, as long as she can.
When I was studying in Chiropractic school, I spent most weekends and Jewish holidays with a certain cousin and her family. Her then three year old boy had nightmares and difficulty sleeping, claiming that he was being terrorized by a "scary black dog" running down the hallway. At first, my cousin took a step back, hoping that the fear was a phase. I suggested to her that she treat this image of a scary dog as if her son were seeing and hearing it, that they believe him that this being was scaring him at night, as if it were a reality. She took my advice and soon after, the black dog "got runned over by a car" and never bothered him again.
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