My house cleaner happens to be an Israeli male, a person with a wife and children. He comes to my house once a week, because I don't know where I would find the time to do it myself, with my 24 hours already fully scheduled. It is a gift to myself, those two and a half hours that he makes my floors clean and shiny, and helps me feel a little human.
This man likes to practice his English with me, and brags that he can even slog through "real" English mystery novels. When he arrived last week, I told him about the lecture I had attended about Feminism and the Post-Feminism Era. He responded, "Feminism, that's old news! Didn't that pass us by already?"
I explained that this attitude typifies the problems for women today, that Feminism achieved exactly the opposite of its intentions: instead of freeing us to pursue our goals without the traditional stereotypes, we now do double the work in order to conform to the new attitudes, while maintaining the role of the 1950's housewife.
My cleaner then launched into a diatribe, clarifying first that he loves women and respects them, and thinks that we are not appreciated enough for who we are, who we can become and what we do for our families.
Great start, you would think, especially for an Israeli, where the macho generally overpowers the potential levels of equality that could be achieved in this country.
And then: "Feminism is a terrible thing, it changed women for the worse! It changed the way women talk and walk and dress, Feminism created women who are too strong and that makes them unattractive."
He continued, "Women should be soft and take care of their men and their family, and let the men take care of things, like it should be."
We have a long way to go, baby...
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Early Sunday Morning
Raphaela woke up this morning and sneezed twice, and then said to me, "Mommy, while I was sleeping someone switched my nose with a broken one! Can we go to the doctor and she can do an exchange?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Raphaela's inner world is inhabited by a rich variety of imaginary beings and ideas. She has spent the last two week going back and forth between calling herself a princess or a baby unicorn. When Raphaela sees something that scares her, she makes this loud neighing sound and explains that unicorns have many talents, including running and jumping, opening up jars and scaring away tigers.
This morning she put on a dress for Gan and with a very matter-of-fact toned explained to me that today she will do a lot of dancing, because she is wearing a dress and because she is a princess. "And all princesses know how to dance."
She then added as an afterthought that one of her teachers will also be a princess today.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Walking to Gan this morning, Raphaela started making a list of all the activities she will do once she arrives at her classroom. At the top of the list was dancing and singing "with all the guys", along with hearing stories and eating.
I, wearing jeans and a t-shirt, then pretended to dance with a lousy rendition of ballet, and was immediately informed by my daughter that I cannot dance properly because I am not wearing a dress. I was then instructed to go to the supermarket, buy a dress there and then come to her Gan to dance with her.
Raphaela paused for a moment and changed her mind, "Mommy, come to think of it, you have a skirt at home. You can put that on right away and dance at home."
(All this before 7:30 am...)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Raphaela's inner world is inhabited by a rich variety of imaginary beings and ideas. She has spent the last two week going back and forth between calling herself a princess or a baby unicorn. When Raphaela sees something that scares her, she makes this loud neighing sound and explains that unicorns have many talents, including running and jumping, opening up jars and scaring away tigers.
This morning she put on a dress for Gan and with a very matter-of-fact toned explained to me that today she will do a lot of dancing, because she is wearing a dress and because she is a princess. "And all princesses know how to dance."
She then added as an afterthought that one of her teachers will also be a princess today.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Walking to Gan this morning, Raphaela started making a list of all the activities she will do once she arrives at her classroom. At the top of the list was dancing and singing "with all the guys", along with hearing stories and eating.
I, wearing jeans and a t-shirt, then pretended to dance with a lousy rendition of ballet, and was immediately informed by my daughter that I cannot dance properly because I am not wearing a dress. I was then instructed to go to the supermarket, buy a dress there and then come to her Gan to dance with her.
Raphaela paused for a moment and changed her mind, "Mommy, come to think of it, you have a skirt at home. You can put that on right away and dance at home."
(All this before 7:30 am...)
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Alternate Universe, Different Pathways
March 1997
Having finished my clinical internship in January, I returned to Toronto, Ontario in March for my official graduation ceremony from Chiropractic college. Because I had four year's worth of frequent flier points, I upgraded to Business Class for the short plane ride from Boston to Canada.
I found myself sitting next to one of the General Managers of the Boston Bruins. Full of enthusiasm for my new profession, I delivered my five minute "Chiropractic will save the world" speech. Apparently I was so convincing that the man offered me a position as the team doctor for the championship hockey team.
Except that I had already begun processing my aliyah through the Israeli Consulate, and had even received my one-way El Al ticket. And in my naiveté, I joyfully answered this once in a lifetime job offer in the negative, explaining that I was planning on fulfilling a dream of moving to Israel in June, and therefore could not commit to a serious job in the United States.
July 2013
One week before my 45th birthday, and rather than ignore the day as I normally do, I find myself playing the less than efficient "What If" game. What if I had accepted that job offer 16 years ago? Would I have ever come to Israel, or would I have stayed on the East Coast, eventually getting married and living in the dream house with a back yard and a literal white picket fence?
Would I have been happier?
It is rare for a person to be able to look back on their life and pinpoint the exact moment that they made a choice, a life-altering decision that set the path for the future. I chose Israel at that moment in Business Class.
The next time I chose a path with the ultimate of consequences was that morning about six years ago that I woke up and said to myself, "I'm ready. I'm ready to be a mother, even without a husband, because I don't want to miss the amazing opportunity to be pregnant, to feel a life growing inside me, and to watch that child grow every day."
I am fairly certain that Raphaela would not exist if I had not come to Israel to build a life.
Having finished my clinical internship in January, I returned to Toronto, Ontario in March for my official graduation ceremony from Chiropractic college. Because I had four year's worth of frequent flier points, I upgraded to Business Class for the short plane ride from Boston to Canada.
I found myself sitting next to one of the General Managers of the Boston Bruins. Full of enthusiasm for my new profession, I delivered my five minute "Chiropractic will save the world" speech. Apparently I was so convincing that the man offered me a position as the team doctor for the championship hockey team.
Except that I had already begun processing my aliyah through the Israeli Consulate, and had even received my one-way El Al ticket. And in my naiveté, I joyfully answered this once in a lifetime job offer in the negative, explaining that I was planning on fulfilling a dream of moving to Israel in June, and therefore could not commit to a serious job in the United States.
July 2013
One week before my 45th birthday, and rather than ignore the day as I normally do, I find myself playing the less than efficient "What If" game. What if I had accepted that job offer 16 years ago? Would I have ever come to Israel, or would I have stayed on the East Coast, eventually getting married and living in the dream house with a back yard and a literal white picket fence?
Would I have been happier?
It is rare for a person to be able to look back on their life and pinpoint the exact moment that they made a choice, a life-altering decision that set the path for the future. I chose Israel at that moment in Business Class.
The next time I chose a path with the ultimate of consequences was that morning about six years ago that I woke up and said to myself, "I'm ready. I'm ready to be a mother, even without a husband, because I don't want to miss the amazing opportunity to be pregnant, to feel a life growing inside me, and to watch that child grow every day."
I am fairly certain that Raphaela would not exist if I had not come to Israel to build a life.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Graduation Day II
Similar to experience on Purim this past year, the lead up and the overwhelm of the party, her classroom overflowing with her classmates and all their parents set Raphaela into a tailspin at the beginning of the Graduation Party and ceremony. But we worked through it and got past it, and were able to enjoy the truly moving event.
First their music teacher led the children through a fun adventure with chickens, a really large dancing clock, a baking session and a parachute toss. Then each little person was called up to the front of the class to receive their nursery school diploma, which read (in Hebrew):
"For excellence in the performance of playing in the yard, doing art projects, having curiosity, cooking and baking, enthusiastic dancing, singing and participation in the daily morning meeting. As well as treating your friends with consideration, and for expressing boundless joy and happiness."
And yes, I cried just a little when Raphaela ventured to the front, shook the Gan manager's hand, and received this beautiful piece of paper.
In addition, they presented each parent with a series of six photos, commemorating the major Jewish holidays on the calendar and charting each child's growth. All day I can't stop looking at this portfolio, and thinking to myself, "I can't believe this is my daughter! I am so blessed..."
At the end of the ceremony they showed a video in which each child was asked to express a wish or hope for the future. About 50% of the children asked for a little brother or sister; 40% talked about monetary and material things, like, "I want G-d to buy me three bottles of water and my parents to take me to the zoo." " I want my father to succeed at work." "I want my parents to buy me lots of toys and dolls."
Honorable mention goes to the little girl who wished for her mother to become a Queen. The award for most pious goes to the boy who wished for the rebuilding of the Third Temple in Jerusalem.
One little boy surprised me, when he had had play dates with Raphaela his behavior had been wild and selfish, and yet his wish was this his little brother be healthy and happy. It taught me that there is much more inside each human being than meets the eye.
My daughter wished that we all have the strength to accomplish our goals. Wow.
First their music teacher led the children through a fun adventure with chickens, a really large dancing clock, a baking session and a parachute toss. Then each little person was called up to the front of the class to receive their nursery school diploma, which read (in Hebrew):
"For excellence in the performance of playing in the yard, doing art projects, having curiosity, cooking and baking, enthusiastic dancing, singing and participation in the daily morning meeting. As well as treating your friends with consideration, and for expressing boundless joy and happiness."
And yes, I cried just a little when Raphaela ventured to the front, shook the Gan manager's hand, and received this beautiful piece of paper.
In addition, they presented each parent with a series of six photos, commemorating the major Jewish holidays on the calendar and charting each child's growth. All day I can't stop looking at this portfolio, and thinking to myself, "I can't believe this is my daughter! I am so blessed..."
At the end of the ceremony they showed a video in which each child was asked to express a wish or hope for the future. About 50% of the children asked for a little brother or sister; 40% talked about monetary and material things, like, "I want G-d to buy me three bottles of water and my parents to take me to the zoo." " I want my father to succeed at work." "I want my parents to buy me lots of toys and dolls."
Honorable mention goes to the little girl who wished for her mother to become a Queen. The award for most pious goes to the boy who wished for the rebuilding of the Third Temple in Jerusalem.
One little boy surprised me, when he had had play dates with Raphaela his behavior had been wild and selfish, and yet his wish was this his little brother be healthy and happy. It taught me that there is much more inside each human being than meets the eye.
My daughter wished that we all have the strength to accomplish our goals. Wow.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Graduation Day I
Today marks Raphaela's official graduation from nursery, she transitions next year into the Municipal school system. Thank goodness, however, her actual program finishes in August, so I don't have to worry about child care for the Summer just yet.
She has been revving herself up for this party for over a week, and insisted upon wearing her finest and most colorful outfit in honor of the occasion:
On the way to Gan, we walked past a soldier in full uniform and weaponry returning to his base after Tisha B'Av. Raphaela asked me, "Who is that? What is he carrying?" I told her that it was a proud Israeli soldier, a brave man who protects us.
Raphaela replied, "I don't need his help. I have my Mommy to help me and protect me."
She has been revving herself up for this party for over a week, and insisted upon wearing her finest and most colorful outfit in honor of the occasion:
On the way to Gan, we walked past a soldier in full uniform and weaponry returning to his base after Tisha B'Av. Raphaela asked me, "Who is that? What is he carrying?" I told her that it was a proud Israeli soldier, a brave man who protects us.
Raphaela replied, "I don't need his help. I have my Mommy to help me and protect me."
Fasting and Remembering
What to do on the Jewish fast day of Tisha B'Av, the most somber of the memorial days in which we mourn for the Temple in Jerusalem and for the destruction of the Jewish community in ancient Israel.
Personally I could have taken the day to stay in bed and rest, but with a four year old who has a day off from Gan, that is hardly possible. In between preparing food for Raphaela while fasting, she and I found ourselves with very little structure and lots of time.
I pulled out the photo albums, all of them, and I told my daughter stories; about my life as a single person, about our extended family, about being pregnant with her and about the adventures we have had together since she came on the scene. Perhaps this represents the meaningful interpretation for this sad day, reminding ourselves that we are loved and that we must care for each other, as Jews and as fellow human beings.
Afterwards, Raphaela asked if we could go to the local bakery, where she intended on ordering "the usual" IE a passion fruit slushie and two chocolate chip cookies. I reminded her that today is a sad day and that Mommy is fasting. Raphaela understood and said that tomorrow would be a happier day for the Temple and Jerusalem, and we could both eat cookies at the bakery.
Personally I could have taken the day to stay in bed and rest, but with a four year old who has a day off from Gan, that is hardly possible. In between preparing food for Raphaela while fasting, she and I found ourselves with very little structure and lots of time.
I pulled out the photo albums, all of them, and I told my daughter stories; about my life as a single person, about our extended family, about being pregnant with her and about the adventures we have had together since she came on the scene. Perhaps this represents the meaningful interpretation for this sad day, reminding ourselves that we are loved and that we must care for each other, as Jews and as fellow human beings.
Afterwards, Raphaela asked if we could go to the local bakery, where she intended on ordering "the usual" IE a passion fruit slushie and two chocolate chip cookies. I reminded her that today is a sad day and that Mommy is fasting. Raphaela understood and said that tomorrow would be a happier day for the Temple and Jerusalem, and we could both eat cookies at the bakery.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)